“BOOM! BOOM! BOOM-BA-BOOM! BOOM!” The show starts with an impressive opening of pyro, before the lights are raised and several sections of the excited crowd are shown waving various signs. The focus then switches to the announce table where Booker T and Mick Foley introduce and hype tonight’s show and the expected impact the likes of Christian, Rob Van Dam, Sami Zayn, Bad News Barrett, Daniel Bryan and Rusev are likely to have. ( B+ )
The Debuting Samoa Joe defeated Adam Rose in 4:37 by pinfall with a Muscle Buster. ( C+ )
Awakened Goldust comes to the stage and gets on mic, telling Samoa Joe that he has entered the WWE at the wrong time and he has chosen Goldust as his target at the wrong time because he’s not targeting the Bizarre One.
Samoa Joe has picked a fight with the Awakened Goldust. He’s already been dragged through hell by a demon, and all it did was wake him up. The two stare each other down as we cut to a commercial for The WWE Network. ( C+ )
Kyle O’Reilly is in the ring, explaining to the WWE Universe that tonight he was supposed to take on The Gilded, Edge and Uso, for the Universal Tag Team Titles.
Unfortunately the audience are those at home and around the world have been robbed of that match due to Uso and Edge attacking Bobby Fish last week. Kyle’s reDRagon partner is not cleared to wrestle tonight, but he is. O’Reilly dares The Gilded to take him on face to face. He doesn’t care which one. Just get the hell out here! ( B )
The Gilded’s music hits ( https://youtu.be/2SYMCDReTvc?t=1m ) and out come the Universal Tag Team Champions Edge and Uso. They spend a second trying to decide between themselves if they’re going to bother with Kyle O’Reilly, before Edge sprints to the ring and the match gets underway.
Edge defeated Kyle O’Reilly in 11:47 by pinfall following interference from Uso. After the match the champions hits Kyle O’Reilly with The Gilded Edge in the centre of the ring, then swan off like they own the fucking place. ( B+ )
Backstage we cut to a brawl in progress between the European Champion Stixx and the number one contender Jay Lethal. Stixx seems to have the upper hand, until Lethal catches him with a DDT to the concrete. Jay drapes the EU Title over the fallen champion and sticks his boot in once more before walking away. ( C )
Amazing Kong will take on Paige for the Universal Women’s Title as per her guaranteed championship shot from winning the Women’s Division Classic earlier this year.
Amazing Kong defeated Paige in 11:51 by submission. Amazing Kong wins the WWE Universal Women’s title. ( C )
Amazing Kong attacks Paige after the match. To the amazement and outrage of all, she piledrives Paige through the announcer’s table. ( C )
Jake Roberts Arrives at the building in a limo, flanked by his client in The Snake Agency, Big E. ( B )
Damien Sandow comes out and says he’s sick of Raven ducking him. Every week he takes on some lower card nobody for the ECW Championship, but Sandow is still owed a rematch from Survivor Series. He wants his rematch, he wants it in a Table Match and he wants it RIGHT NOW! ( B )
It doesn’t take long before Raven appears with a dustbin under his arm full of hockey sticks, baseball bats, cricket bats, chains, stop signs and a rubber Frankenstein’s Monster. The ECW Title is strapped around the middle of the bin. ( B+ )
Raven defeated Damien Sandow in 14:15 when Damien Sandow was put through a table. Raven makes defence number 5 of his ECW Title title. ( A )
The announcers put over the fact that we’ll be seeing Shelton Benjamin take on Alberto Del Rio in an I QUIT Match. ( A )
Alberto Del Rio defeated Shelton Benjamin in 13:31 by submission with a Cross Armbreaker. ( A )
We are outside the locker room of Carlito Colón. He opens the door outwards, just in time to accidentally hit a passing by Jake Roberts square in the face. Carlito half apologises while trying not to laugh, but he bursts out chuckling and sprays The Snake with apple. ( B- )
Jake just grins, asking Carlito if he remembers what happened last time a snake got hold of an apple, before Big E steps out and knocks the piss out of Carlito. Jake watches the beating, calling Big E off after he puts Carlito through the door window. With Carlito hanging bloodied over the window frame, The Snake pushes the apple in his mouth and laughs. ( B- )
Jay Lethal defeated Stixx in 14:31 after hitting an injured Stixx with the Lethal Consequences and pinning him with a handful of tights. Jay Lethal wins the WWE European title. ( B- )
Jay Lethal snatches his newly won title belt and scrambles back up the aisle, only holding the belt aloft in triumph when he is a considerable distance from the ring and the fuming Stixx. ( B )
Sami Zayn was about to pin Bad News Barrett, but Edge and Uso ran in from the crowd and hit Sami with The Gilded Edge to make the save. Sami wins by disqualification and Barrett retains the Intercontinental Title. ( B+ )
Come to Pastamania Brother! It’s still a thing brother! Try our new Nacho Man Randy Carbonara brother, or the Hulktastic Shawn Spaghettiak brother!
The Gilded are hanging out in their dressing room backstage. Each member’s title belt is displayed on the wall behind them. They’re congratulating Barrett on retaining the Intercontinental Championship when RAW General Manager Paul Heyman lets himself in. They’re about to kick off when Heyman tells them not to waste the energy.
If they were angry he let himself in, they’re gonna be livid when he tells them that because of all their interference in each other’s matches tonight, he needs to make an executive order. Christian’s match is already in a Steel Cage to keep The Gilded out, but he just can’t trust that that’s gonna be enough.
Heyman says that Edge, Uso and Barrett are BANNED FROM RING SIDE! And if any of them disobey they’ll be stripped of their titles.
Just as Paul predicted, The Gilded are indeed livid, but Christian just looks thoughtful. ( B+ )
A video plays reminding us of the brutal Hell in a Cell Match between Kane and Goldust, then shows us The Undertaker appealing to his brother to step back from the brink. ( A )
Kane defeated The Undertaker in 16:12 by pinfall after tearing the padding from the turn buckle and repeatedly smashing Takers face into it. He hits Taker with Tombstone and pins his bloodied brother. ( A* )
With The Undertaker still down in the middle of ring, Kane goes outside and pulls a chair from under the apron. He climbs back inside and gets ready to continue the attack, when suddenly all the lights go out.
There’s a flash of lightening which illuminates Kane, but when the lights come back The Undertaker is nowhere to be seen. ( A )
Rob Van Dam had an interview hyping his upcoming Steel Cage match for the WWE Title. The Whole F’n Show promises that without The Gilded to interfere, Christian won’t be escaping the cage with the WWE Title. ( A )
A video plays showing Rusev standing victorious as Survivor Series and winning for Team RAW, followed by his promised title shot. We see Daniel Bryan take on John Cena from last week’s RAW, with Bryan coming up the winner and earning a shot against Rusev for that guaranteed title opportunity. ( A )
Rusev defeated Daniel Bryan in 13:37 by submission with an Accolade to retain his chance at the WWE Championship.( B+ )
A video plays hyping The Gilded and their actions to keep each title on a member of the stable. We recap to earlier tonight when Paul Heyman banned Edge, Uso and Barrett from ringside. ( B )
RVD was about to climb out of the cage when he saw Christian crawling for the door. He took the calculated risk and hit the WWE Champ with a Five Star Frog Splash from the top of the cage!
Both men are down in the centre of the ring inside the locked cage, but what the hell!?
The new Universal Women’s Champion Amazing Kong charges to the ring! What the hell is she doing here? Kong grabs the cage door and literally tears it from the hinges, throwing it aside like it was nothing. The cage now open, Christian gets to his feet and leaps for the door, but RVD grabs his legs and prevents his escape.
Rob hits Christian with a VanTerminator, but Kong is guarding the door. He starts to climb…
JAY LETHAL! The new European Champion Jay Lethal comes out of the crowd, leaps up the cage and pushes RVD back into the ring!!
Lethal climbs inside the cage, waits for RVD to get back up, then hits him with the Lethal Injection!
Kong grabs Christian and pulls him through the open door!
Christian is still the WWE Champion! ( A )
Christian is helped to the entrance ramp by Amazing Kong and Jay Lethal, clutching his title. Edge, Uso and Barrett swagger out to join them. The six strong group stand tall, holding their titles in the air as the commentators speculate on what this is going to mean for Monday Night Raw! ( B- )
OVERALL GRADE – A
Of course of course.