LADIES AND GENTLEMAN. FUCKING. WELCOME.
TO SMACKDOWN’S WWE UNFORGIVEN!
Liiiiive, from The Brown Stadium in Providence, Rhode Island, And powered by Disney Dreamworks – The little Red Riding Hood. In all good theatres on the 32nd of November.
WWE Unforgiven will be (I promise you) the most entertaining wrestling experience you have tonight.
Lets fucking have it.
Video starts hyping the pre show tag team match between Enzo Amore and Big Cass and the Colons.
Enzo Amore and Big Cass defeated Primo and Epico in 12:44 when Colin Cassady defeated Epico by pinfall with an aided Enzo splash. (B-)
“BOOM! BOOM! BOOM-BA-BOOM! BOOM!” The show starts with an impressive opening of pyro, before the lights are raised and several sections of the excited crowd are shown waving various signs. The focus then switches to the announce table where Michael Cole and JR introduce and hype tonight’s show and the expected impact the likes of Seth Rollins, Bray Wyatt, Kevin Owens and Triple H are likely to have. (B)
Here we go
Brian Kendrick’s music hits and he makes his way down into the ring. The literal second he arrives, he goes at Rey Mysterio like a rabid Jackal. “The match hasn’t even started!” Yells JR. Rey’s holding his mask on his head while Kendrick goes at him. Eventually the referee backs him off to the corner. He looks at Rey as he staggers to his feet, and says that the match doesn’t have to start. Rey calls for the bell though and eventually. We are underway! (B-)
Brian Kendrick defeated Rey Mysterio in 8:34 by submission with the Captains Hook!!
Rey brought the fight. But the opening beatdown took its toll. By the last few minutes, Rey was clutching his head and neck. And Kendrick was opportunistic enough to hit sliced bread, followed by the Captains Hook (B+)
Having picked up the victory, Brian Kendrick celebrates on his way up the ramp. (B-)
A video airs showing Christopher Daniels, Kota Ibushi, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, and Rich Swann. There 5 way elimination Cruiserweight number one contender match, is up next! (C-)
Rich hit a Rich kick after about 10 minutes to Heath. As he went for the cover he got hit with a 450 splash while on top of heath slater. Gabriel Covered Rich with one arm and Heath with the other for a simultaneous double elimination! As he stands up he gets smashed by a couple of kicks to the mid riff and face. Before getting hit by a SITOUT LAST RIDE POWERBOMB to be put away by Kota Ibushi!
Down to two men!
THE FALLEN ANGEL Christopher Daniels defeated Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater, Rich Swann and Kota Ibushi in 16:13; the order of elimination was Rich Swann first, then Heath Slater, then Justin Gabriel, and finally Kota Ibushi. (C+)
Triple H is backstage and collars Brian Kendrick. He congratulates him on his victory and reiterates that that is the sort of strength and desire that he wants to see. Kendrick smiles and thanks him, and jokes as he leaves that he reckons he must be next in line for some form of title shot. He goes to leave and HHH pulls him back.
“You know what Brian, I think you’re right.” “TONIGHT, LIVE IN RHODE ISLAND, You will get your title shot. When you face. KEVIN OWENS AND JOHN MORRISON. IN A TRIPLE THREAT MATCH FOR THE WWE UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP”. (B)
A video plays hyping the first triple threat of the night. Dolph Ziggler vs. Evan Bourne vs. Tyson Kidd for the Cruiserweight Championship!.
At the end of the match. Dolph hits Tyson with the zig zag before Evan throws Dolph out of the ring! He’s going up top!
AIR BOURNE! COVER! 1……2…….
Ziggler Breaks it up with a superkick to the covering Bourne.
He Whacks in the Sleeper onto Tyson!
Dolph Ziggler defeated Tyson Kidd and Evan Bourne in 12:50 when Dolph Ziggler defeated Tyson Kidd by submission with a Sleeper. Dolph Ziggler makes defence number 2 of his WWE Cruiserweight title. (B)
John Morrison is interviewed backstage by Jerry Lawler, he hypes an upcoming match against Kevin Owens and Brian Kendrick (B) He doesn’t care who has to beat. In fact. With Kendrick in the match. It just opens up another target for him. Johns focussed. And ready to bring home the gold.
A video plays hyping The WWE Tag team Championship match between The Bullet Club and American Alpha. (C+)
Is it Alphas break??????? Is this where the wind their first piece of WWE GOLD???
They go for Grand Amplitude on Anderson but Gallows is there to kick the back of Gables head off. Anderson goes for the roll up with a hand on the tights! 1……2….!
The Bullet Club defeated American Alpha in 13:29 when Karl Anderson defeated Chad Gable by pinfall by using underhanded tactics. The Bullet Club make defence number 2 of their WWE Tag Team Championship titles. (B+) Camera pans to Alpha who look distraught.
Kevin Owens is interviewed backstage by Jerry Lawler, he hypes an upcoming match against John Morrison and Brian Kendrick (B+) “I practically… Carry this show. And this is whole I’m respected? THIS IS THE KEVIN OWENS…. SHOW! And the world is going to know it after tonight.”
Michael Cole and JR Hype the upcoming match between Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose from the comfort of their announcers table. (C+) ASYLUM MATCH. ON THE WAY!
AS you can imagine. This is going to go off the rails Silly.
Hanging above the ring is everything you can fucking imagine. A bag of something. Mitch the plant is up there. Theres a kendo stick. A chair. Somehow a table. A fire extinguisher. A stop sign. The works.
The match goes crazy. It’s a fight. No wrestling in sight. Eventualy Dean and Roman are both accidently busted open when Roman botches a superman punch and catches Dean square on the eye. Roman finds a way to get the table down and sets it up for a powerbomb. And Dean repays the favour with DIRTY DEEDS onto the stop sign. Nothing seems to put these men away though. Dean climbs the cage to get the mystery bag as Roman’s laid out…. What is in it we spy?
Ambrose sets the table up in the corner and then sets it on fucking fire.
(It’s impossible to find a picture of one set up in a corner, So use your imagination)
Roman Reigns gets up after his stop sign episode. Before.
SPEAR. Ambrose has speared him through the table!!!!!!!!!!!. He quickly pulls Reigns out. Before spraying him with the fire extinguisher for comedic effect.
Dean Ambrose defeated Roman Reigns in 17:33 by pinfall. (A)
A video airs showing Brock Lesnar and his dog again. (A)
Backstage and a battered but victorious Dean Ambrose is walking backstage when he stumbles across the WWE Champion Seth Rollins. Seth congratulates Dean on his victory tonight, and Dean wishes Seth luck in his match v Bray Wyatt later. But warns him if he comes out on top… He’s coming for him, and the WWE title. (A)
A video plays hyping the upcoming bought between Cesaro vs. Randy Orton. IF Cesaro loses. His time as a championship contender is OVER. (B+)
Triple H remains sat at ringside in his chair for the beginning of this one. Confident that once again Cesaro would fluff his lines. That is until Cesaro starts swinging Orton around like it’s the 4th of July. HHH gets up put of his seat and squares up to Cesaro. The referee knows he can’t force the GM and future owner of WWE to leave, so he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place. Cesaro Knows him down off the apron, but then …
But only a 2 count!
HHH is irate outside!!!
He demands Randy finish it. He goes to set up the punt kick. Cesaro moves just in time though! Cesaro staggers back and HHH goes to whack him around the head with his Sledgehammer that he’s just pulled out from outside the ring. Cesaro ducks and the sledgehammer clobbers Randy square in the face. HHH can’t believe what he’s just done. He turns around and gets a Neutraliser from Cesaro! Cesaro covers Randy
Cesaro is celebrating his victory in the ring, and by the time Randy and H’s come two he’s up the other side of the ramp. With the Cesaro section Having the time of their lives.(A)
JR and Michael Cole Hype the upcoming match between Kevin Owens, John Morrison and Brian Kendrick from the comfort of their announcers table. (B-)
KO and Morrison get this show started… By turning their attention straight to Kendrick and throwing him out of the ring. The match goes through the motions but every time Kendrick tries to get involved. He’s just slung back out again.
It hots up. KO hits the bullfrog splash after nailing Morrison with a German and then a Shining Wizard. Kendrick gets in the ring and beats down on Morrison as well, KO decides not to throw him out this time. That is until Kendrick goes for the Captains Hook.
KO has to get in a brawl with Kendrick as Morrison recovers. KO throws Kendrick out of the ring again just as Morrison sets himself up for MOONLIGHT DRIVE!!. HE’S going up!!!!!! STARSHIP PAIN! This is over.
KENDRICK IS THERE! HE PULLS MORRISON OUT OF THE RING and throws him into the steel steps. Kendrick slides back into the ring. What???? HE HITS MORRISONS MOONLIGHT DRIVE!!!!!!
Brian Kendrick defeated Kevin Owens and John Morrison in 17:58 when Brian Kendrick defeated Kevin Owens by pinfall after the moonlight drive. Brian Kendrick wins the WWE United States title. (B+)
HE’S FUCKING DONE IT!
Having just won the match by dubious means, Brian Kendrick snatches his newly won title belt and scrambles back up the aisle, only holding the belt aloft in triumph when he is a considerable distance from the ring. (B)
Before his match WWE CHAMPIONSHIP match vs Bray Wyatt, Seth Rollins is seen warming up. (B+)
MAIN EVENT TIME.
Seth makes his way to the ring. Game as Shit.
Bray makes an extended entrance. There’s no Erick Rowen in sight. But he’s surrounded by weird dancing bad guys. Wrestlemania esque.
The match goes one way, then another. Bray hits sister Abigail but Seth kicks out! Seth hits the Falcon Arrow after a knee strike to the head. But as he goes to cover…
ERICK ROWENs there! He appears as the lights go out and stares at Seth on the ring apron. It distracts Seth just long enough for….
A SECOND SISTER ABIGAIL!
HOW ON EARTH HAS HE KICKED OUT OF THAT?????? THE GUYS A FUCKING SUPER FREAK!
Bray’s angry and agitated. He goes to Rowen to look for some sort of motivation. He eventually goes back to Rollins and picks him up…. The referee is trying desperately to get Rowen off the ring apron.
LOW BLOW BY ROLLINS!.
God we so nearly had a new WWE Champion. (If only you knew how close I was)
Seth Rollins defeated Bray Wyatt in 18:03 by pinfall with a Curb Stomp. Seth Rollins makes defence number 4 of his WWE World Heavyweight Championship title. (B)
Having picked up the victory, Seth Rollins celebrates in the ring to close the show. (A)
I’m not shitting you. The show got a C+.
Apparently not enough angles. But I don’t fucking care. I was stoked to write that.