Royal Rumble 30

wwe_royal_rumble_2017___logo___black_by_kingquake-dasef6v

PRE SHOW MATCH.

VACANT WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP

wwe_world_tag_team

In a heartbreaking drop down the card for this title, that has only happened because American Alpha and Enzo and Cass don’t exist as tag teams yet, and Evan Bourne single handedly dissolved my greatest tag team creation. ANDERSON AND GALLOWS wrecked the field, and won the WWE World Tag Team Championships. Primo and Epico were too busy fighting Luchardors. Kalisto pinned Epico. Then got caught by Gallows, Magic Killer’d to hell. Leaving just Perfect Plie.

Fandango went with Anderson for a bit. Got the hot tag to Hennig, who was all hyped up on the sideline. He ran in. Got Enzugiried, Spinebustered, and Magic Killer’d. Game Over.

unnamed-3

And If this incarnation of The Bullet Club carry on that sort of form. You won’t be stopping them any time soon.

wwe_womens

The little girls and weird awkward men in the crowd go ballistic for BAYLEY!
image-17
It’s the Bayley Buddies, because we can’t keep saying wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube men anymore. Seth McFarlane probably sued.
Bayley dances down to the ring, but she doesn’t even make it halfway before Amazing Kong’s music hits and she charges down. They meet in the middle and start throwing hands, and obviously Kong gets the better of the exchange of clotheslines Bayley down to the mat, laying the boots in.
unnamed-11
Paige is here! The former Women’s Champion and her manager, Jake “The Snake” Roberts, take a seat on the entrance ramp. Apparently they’re here to watch the show. The Snake Agency of course has a non-aggression pact with The Gilded and have agreed not to interfere in their matches, and more often than not they’re called upon to interfere on BEHALF of The Gilded!
unnamed-12
Kong whips Bayley back first into the apron and she doubles over on the ground. This match hasn’t even started yet! Kong lifts Bayley with both hands and slams her with a double handed choke slam!
The ref tells Kong to bring it into the ring, and she throws Bayley in and climbs up and over the ropes, but Bayley is up! She’s firing back at Kong with everything she’s got! Bayley is in this match and she is fired up! There’s a lot of very balanced back and forth in this match, a far cry from their first encounter at New Year’s Revolution.
Paige and Jake Roberts sit and watch, very interested, clapping for both Bayley and Kong when they pull off something impressive. It seems like they’re sizing up all the competition.
Bayley tries for the Bayley to Belly Suplex, but Kong is way too heavy and the challenger gets shoved back on her arse.
She hits the ropes and cracks Kong with a running axe handle, but the champion just shrugs it off. Bayley runs again, trying a flying lariat, which sends Kong to her back foot but not down. She runs again, and Kong catches her! Kong throws Bayley with her own belly to back suplex, but Bayley lands on her feet and hits a low dropkick to Kong’s knees, dropping the champion to her knees! Bayley hits a sliding clothesline to take Kong down.
Bayley goes for a sort of lionsault, but Kong gets the knees up and Bayley bounces off painfully. That was a costly mistake because Kong is going up high! This massive woman stands atop the turnbuckle like a cruiserweight and leaps off, burying Bayley with the Amazing Press Splash!
unnamed-13
1…
2…
3!
This one is over and Kong has triumphed once again! Can anyone hope to take down the world’s strongest female competitor?
unnamed-14
LADIES AND GENTLEMAN. WELCOME. TO THE ROYAL. RUMBLE!!!!
fav20rumble20article20image203
The following, OPENING, contest is scheduled for one fall (“ONE FALL”), and it is for, the WWE Cruiserweight Championship.
wwe_cruiser

Cole – “What a technical bout we could have on our hands here tonight folks. The Champ, Dolph Ziggler’s exploits at this point are world renowned.

JBL – The guy has been a wrestling champion since college. But his opponent. My god. Ibushi pulled the performance of the year out of his reserves on CWC, and then PINNED Dolph clean on Smackdown in tag team action this week. If Dolph doesn’t take Ibushi seriously, he’ll be pinned before he knows what’s going on”.

Cole – “That’s spot on John, but conversely, this is the biggest night in Kota’s relatively young WWE career so far. He needs to keep a lid on things if his plans and ideas don’t shape up in the manner that he anticipated”

Ding ding ding…

The match starts. The crowd hope and expect a classic.

The match goes on and Dolph does everything he can to not get into a chain wrestling match with Kota. If he does. He’ll lose. He keeps positioning himself in the ropes, jumping out of the ring, and keeping a solid amount of distance between the two.

We get a solid amount of wrestling at last. Ziggler hits the famouser and Kota hits another of his standing moonsaults. Ziggler recovers and flips Kota out of the ring, then goes to take off the turnbuckle pad, an action that completely engulfs the referees concentration for the next 30 seconds…..

image

It’s JACK SWAGGER! He nails Kota on the outside with a clothesline while the referee is putting the turnbuckle pad back on. What on earth is he doing here?? He flings Kota back into the ring. He groggy-ly gets to his feet.

ZIG ZAG.

1..

2…

3.

Cole – “Kota Ibushi has just had his chance STOLEN from him, absolutely stolen from him. And the prospect of a timeless classic has been stolen from us. Kota earnt his shot in the CWC competition, and Jack Swagger, a guy who’s not even a cruiserweight, has come to the aid of, apparently, his ally. Dolph Ziggler.

JBL – “Look at the situation from Ziggler and Swaggers perspective though. With our general manager in a title match later tonight, and JR at home resting after being clobbered on Smackdown. There is no-one to rectify this decision. Right now, they can do what they want. And Jack Swagger aligning himself with Dolph gives him immediate credibility, and a strong ally.

 

maxresdefault

Speaking of, Christian is backstage with The Gilded, who all come forward to say tell him that they’ve got his back in the match tonight. Finally Edge comes to his friend, and tells him that he’s had his back since day one and he’ll make SURE John Cena loses tonight.

Then Christian goes nuts.

He screams at The Gilded to shut up. He doesn’t want their help and he doesn’t need their help! He thought he was very clear about this. He beat John Cena on Monday and he can beat him again tonight WITHOUT their help!

And while he’s on the subject of who needs help, Christian reminds Edge that he gave him a TON of leeway after losing the tag belts, and since he won the ECW Title he’s safe in The Gilded, but Uso isn’t.

jey-uso

Erm…

The Gilded, included his own tag partner Edge, fall on Uso and kick seven shades of shit out of him, then toss his ass out the door.

“If you don’t hold gold, you’re holding us back.”

The following contest is for the WWE Universal Tag Team Titles!

unnamed

First out are The Briscoes, jumping around all over each other and gnashing what few teeth they have at kids in the audience, shitting them right up and traumatising them for life. We’re going to geletter here tonight Booker.
unnamed-1
Booker T says he loves these guys. They’ve got energy, they’re pumped up. They come to win and you don’t have to be pretty to be champion. Mick Foley agrees on that, but if we’re talking about not pretty, then we’ve got to be talking about…
image
THE DUDLEYZ!
Even though the Dudleyz are heel AF, everyone cheers anyway because they’re The Dudleyz and they’re boss. The 25 time tag team champions are looking to make it 26 here tonight at the expense of The Briscoes and champions reDragon, who they’ve had words with these past few weeks.
The Dudleyz feel that the current tag teams in the WWE are soft, and that they’re the only ones extreme enough to hold the belts.
And speaking of Extreme, here comes former ECW Owner and current Raw General Manager Paul Heyman! Paul has the Universal Tag Title belts over his shoulders, and as he walks to the ring he instructs a couple of refs to take them off him.
unnamed-2
“Briscoes… Dudleyz… I am the bearer of some news. Good news, for the sold out crowd here at Wrigley Field, but potentially bad news for you four gentlemen.
The refs get some instructions, and they scurry off with the tag title belts.
“Bubba, D’Von… The WWE Universal Tag Team Champions, Bobby Fish and Kyle O’Reilly of reDragon, have heard your concerns. They’ve heard you calling them soft, and they absolutely heard you attack them in the backstage area a few weeks ago, so they came to me tonight and I heard them. I heard their idea and I LOVED it!”
The refs get in the ring with the belts, which are looped and fastened to metal hooks.
“This match… will now be… A LADDER MATCH!”
unnamed-3
The ref’s hook up the belts, and they’re winched high above the ring.
The Dudleyz and Briscoes look at each other in disbelief as reDragon race out with a ladder each.
The match gets underway and immediately gets out of hand. The Briscoes drop kick the ladders into Fish and O’Reilly’s faces, but get sit out power bombed onto the same ladders by the Dudleyz. Veterans of this type of match, The Dudleyz set a ladder up and both start to climb, but reDragon drag them back down to the mat.
Jay Briscoe sets up a ladder against the turnbuckle, but D’Von charges him with another like a battering ram. Jay gets out of the way just in time and D’Von’s ladder goes harmlessly through the middle rungs of the other one.
It’s at this stage in proceedings that Bubba Ray requests D’Von GET THE TABLES!!
unnamed-4
D’Von sheens out to grab one from under the ring and Bubba puts a ladder over his head and spins around, knocking down Jay Briscoe, Bobby Fish and Mark Briscoe. Kyle O’Reilly ducks it and drop kicks Bubba’s knees, sending him down neck first onto the ladder!
D’Von abandons the two tables he’s set up and gets into the ring to free his brother, but O’Reilly hits a bulldog onto the ladder, stacking up the Dudleyz so Bobby Fish can drop an elbow on the pair of them.
The Briscoes and reDragon brawl on the outside, with Jay setting up a ladder by D’Von’s stack of tables. He climbs it to jump on Bobby Fish, but O’Reilly whips Mark into the ladder! Jay falls towards the tables but at the last moment he leaps forward and lands in the ring, narrowly missing going through those tables!
The ladder is set back up and Bobby Fish gets to the top and flies with a Senton straight over the tables and onto the fallen Jay Briscoe!
OH MY GOD!!!!
D’Von brawls with Kyle outside the ring and slots him one in the face with a chair. In the ring, Bubba whips Mark Briscoe into the ropes and throws him over his shoulder as D’Von runs up the ladder on the outside the catch him high… 3D! 3D! 3D OUT OF THE RING THROUGH TWO TABLES WITH A LADDER ASSIST TO D’VON!!!
Jesus EFFING Christ the Briscoes have been killed!
The Dudleyz set up the mangled ladders from the corner and start to climb, but reDragon are up! Bobby takes out D’Von and Kyle works on Bubba, but Bubba kicks him away and continues to climb! Bobby goes up the other side, but they’re blocked from going any higher by the horizontal ladder! They climb around and over, now standing on either side of a 10 foot high ladder SeeSaw!
Bubba takes a step forward and Bobby’s side teeters down, so he takes a step forward to counter. The two men go step by step towards each other, and towards the Universal Tag Team Title Belts! They start trading punches back and forth on top of the ladder, but Jay Briscoe is back on his feet! He gets to the top rope and hits a missile drop kick to one end of the horizontal ladder, spinning the entire contraption around like a propeller and sending Bubba Dudley falling from the top right out of the ring and the floor below!
Bobby Fish, a little quicker, jumps free and grabs the belts! He’s swinging back and forth over the ring, trying to unhook the belts without falling. Jay tries grabbing at Fish’s feet to pull him down! Kyle O’Reilly spins around and flattens Jay with the NIGEL! NIGEL! NIGEL! NIGEL PENDULUM LARIAT!
Kyle gets under his partners feet and Bobby stands on his shoulders, unhooking the belts and dropping safely to the mat.
reDragon have done it! They’ve retained the WWE Universal Tag Titles and put the rest any idea of them not being extreme enough to compete here in the WWE!
Next up, we find Anderson, Gallows, Rhodes, and AJ backstage. After their title win earlier. Gallows and Anderson are holding the World Tag Team titles, and Rhodes is holding the NWA. Rhodes tells AJ to watch what he’s about to do to Orton, in the name of The Bullet Club. “I’m about to defend my title AJ. Gallows and Anderson here, they’ve already one a title. What are you going to show us later?”
We then get a video promo of the upcoming NWA World Heavyweight championship match, between The Bullet Club’s Cody Rhodes, and Randy Orton.
royalrumble_2017_nwa

This following contest, is scheduled for one fall, and it is for, the NWA, WORLD……HEAVYWEIGHT…..CHAMPIONSHIP

Cole – “This is actually Cody’s first match up since returning to the WWE. And what a match it is. Randy beat John Morrison at Armageddon to earn the right to fight is former protégé for the most prestigious title to ever come into the WWE from an external source.”

JBL – “And do you know what that means?? It means Cody has champions advantage. And not only that, he has the Bullet Club advantage. The Club don’t have a defined leader as of yet, and Cody made a good point to AJ this week on Smackdown. Cody is the top dog. To quote the guys on RAW. He holds the gold. And AJ just lost to Kota Ibushi. If AJ doesn’t win the rumble and Rhodes retains here tonight, then Cody by right has deserved to be the leader.”

Cole – Yes John, but as we saw earlier tonight, is the goal of leading this new group going to hurt his chances of retaining his title? He’s already turned down the support of New Tag Champs Anderson and Gallows….”

JBL – “Cody knows what he’s doing.”

Cole – Well, I guess we’re about to find out

unnamed-1

Cole – Because he’s against this man… The Viper, and future hall of famer.. Randy Orton.

Ding ding ding.

Straight from the off Cody is out of the gates like a rabid dog. As wise as Orton is, I don’t think he was expecting this level of ferociousness from his former protégé.

unnamed-2

As the match goes on. Cody does a good job showing how far he’s come since he was under Orton’s tutorage. He’s changed up his moveset somewhat, and Orton’s left back peddling. As we go further and further into the match though. Cody keeps hitting high impact moves, and keeps Orton grounded, but he can only get two counts.

It’s not long until he starts throwing his toys out of the pram. He gets all up in the referees face, demanding that he counts faster.

image-1

“DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IS ON THE LINE HERE REF!!” Cody screams.

That split second is long enough for the Viper to sliver to his feet. Cody turns into an RKO attempt….

 

But he counters!

CROSS RHODES SET UP!!

 

ORTON TURNS THROUGH IT. ANOTHER COUNTER!

image-2

 

RKO OUT OF NOWHERE!!

1…

2…

 

3…

NEW NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION.

JBL – Orton has won of the few belts he has never held, but it wasn’t through a masterclass of wrestling. Cody has well and truly cost himself this one. And he’s likely to be royally peeved about it when he regains consciousness.

 

royalrumble_2017_ic

Ladies and Gentlemen the following contest is schedule for One fall (ONE FALL) and is for the Raw Intercontinental Championship!
Introducing first, the challenger…
unnamed-1
He is the Gold Standard… Shelton… BENNNNJAMINNNN!
Well this has been an aggressive rivalry between Shelton Benjamin and the IC Champion Bad News Barrett. It started just one month ago at New Year’s Revolution when Shelton attacked Bad News after his title match with Sami Zayn. Since then the two have come to blows on more than one occasion, with Bad News often relying on the help of his Gilded team mates to come out on top.
image-3
“I’ve got some Bad News for you Shelton. Your Mum’s not here to manage you tonight, so once I’ve beat you to retain MY Intercontinental Title, you’re gonna have to wipe up your own tears.”
The match gets underway and the two men lock up. Shelton twists Barrett into a hammerlock. but News is able to twist out of it and gets Shelton up in a fireman’s carry. Shelton wriggles down and drops Barrett with a sunset flip, but Barrett rolls out of it attempts a clothesline, which Shelton ducks and hits the ropes. Shelton leaps for a lariat but Barrett catches him with a waist lock, which Shelton powers out of.
.
The two men stare at each other. Both realise this won’t be as easy as they think.
.
They lock up again, and Shelton shoves out and connects with a high drop kick, sending Barrett down. He’s back up and the two men get into brawling, but it doesn’t last long as both take the match to the mat and engage in more chain wrestling.
.
Barrett spins around and rolls Shelton up with a schoolboy…
.
1… 2.. KICK OUT!
Usually not his thing, Barrett is managing to go toe to toe with Shelton in a proper wrestling match, and this is putting Shelton off his game.
.
He decides to switch things up himself, and on the next lock up Shelton slaps Barrett’s hands away and drops him with a short arm clothesline. He begins wrestling a much more smashmouth brawling style, dead lifting Bad News up and slamming him with a German suplex.
.
1.. 2.. KICK OUT!
.
Each man gets a good series of the other man’s signature style, until eventually the power of Shelton overcomes the technical ability of Barrett, and he plants the champion with an exploder suplex, followed up by a high jumping elbow drop.
.
He goes for the pin…
.
1… 2… OOOHHH
.
Two and a half and a fag paper and we almost had a new IC Champion.
.
Barrett is furious at the close call pin, and all technical work goes right out the window. He starts throwing potatoes at Shelton and things start to devolve into more or less a boxing match. Shelton takes a bad hit to the chin and goes down to a knee, his eyes glazing over. He’s punch drunk, and can’t protect himself from being scooped up and slammed with the Wasteland!
.
1.. 2.. NOPE!
.
Shelton gets his shoulder up and rolls out of the ring.
.
He’s rubber legging it around the apron and Barrett climbs out, smashing him with the Bull Hammer Elbow! Shelton is down, but Barrett is enraged and keeps up the assault, only breaking it off to stop the ten count by rolling Shelton back into the ring.
.
Barrett charges him, but Shelton is up! He’s back to a vertical base, going for a kick to Barrett’s midsection. Barrett catches his foot but Shelton spins and slaps Bad News in the face with his other foot, sending him backwards.
.
A still groggy Shelton leaps and catches Barrett for Paydirt, but he can’t quite follow through and Barrett is able to lift Shelton up and drop him with a suplex, bridging it for the pin…
.
1…
2…
.
FUCK OFF!
.
Shelton gets a foot on the ropes and breaks the pin. Barrett cannot believe it. He slams his fists into the mat. He just can’t seem to put Shelton away.
.
Losing his temper, Barrett picks Shelton up but he reverses out and kicks Barrett’s head off with a Super Kick!
.
His legs give out and now both men are flat on the mat.
unnamed-2
.
What the effing Jeff?! It’s Jay Lethal! What the bloody hell is Lethal doing here!?
.
Jay runs down to the ring and starts slapping on the apron to rouse Barrett back to life. “Get up! WOOOH YEAAAH!!”
.
The ref checks on Barrett, who has managed to get onto his side, then moves to check Shelton. With the official distracted, Lethal takes something out of his pocket and slides it over to Barrett who quick rolls onto his stomach to hide it.
.
That’s a foreign object! What was that? Somebody get Jay Lethal out of here!
.
Shelton is up to his knees and Barrett uses the turnbuckle to get back to his feet, still concealing whatever Lethal chucked over. Shelton makes it to his feet and knocks Barrett into the corner, hitting him with a forearm to the chest.
.
Bad News suddenly clutches his face, dropping the object, and falls to the ground rolling in agony. Shelton’s confused, but the is right there. He kneels to look at Barrett’s face, but finds the object. He holds up a pair of brass knuckles!
.
The Referee starts yelling questions at Shelton, who holds his hands up saying they’re nothing to do with him. Jay Lethal starts screaming that he hit Barrett with the knucks! Come on now! This is an obvious trick!
.
The ref doesn’t see it that way, obviously, and he has no choice but to call for the bell!
.
Shelton Benjamin has been disqualified! Bad News retains the Intercontinental Championship! This is horseshit! They were having a real proper match and then they pull this Gilded nonsense and cheat Shelton out of the belt!
.
Benjamin is pretty livid, and he goes to rough up Barrett but he rolls quick out the ring, smiling his head off. He claps Lethal on the back and collects his belt.
.
Well this leaves a sour taste in everyone’s mouths! The Gilded once again use their alliance to bend the rules and survive.
image-4
Backstage, Jake “The Snake” Roberts is hyping up Rusev and Big E for the Rumble. Along with his other client, Paige, Jake tells the two big men to go out there and do what they do best. Destroy everyone!
.
We get a video hyping our next bout. The WWE Championship match between Seth Rollins, and a disturbed Triple H.
royalrumble_2017_wwe

The Following contest is scheduled for one fall… And It is for.. The W…W…E… CHAAAMMPIONSHIP

Dun dun dun, dun dun dun

unnamed.png

Cole – “This Title match has been created and has evolved, in what some could say, as… Pretty extraordinary conditions, Isn’t that right JBL?

JBL – “I think that’s an understatement Michael. On one hand you have to agree with Triple H’s mindset. I mean. It was hard for all of us to watch team Smackdown lose at survivor series, and I’m happy that he’s been trying to pull the blue team back up from that night. But the man isn’t Triple H at the moment. The guy is literally possessed. He’s attacked a legend in JR. I never thought I’d say this, but Seth Rollins, you better knock him straight.

It’s time to play the game.

image

Triple H walks down to the ring. He appears through the curtatin slightly later than usual. He walks down. Stoic. He makes his entrance as the Triple H of old. With one glaring exception. There is no water. One of Triple H’s longest lasting and endearing motions is nowhere to be seen. He stands on the turnbuckle and poses somewhat. Before looking at Rollins in the face. The referee holds the title in the air.

“Froooooom Davenport Iowa, weighing it at 215 pounds, he.. is the WWE Champion. SETH ROLLINS.”

“And from Greenwich Connecticut…..”

Before the announcer can finish his introductions, both men have locked eyes and are laying into eachother. The ref looks and the timekeeper and the bell is rung. We’re off folks!

The match goes through the motions. Triple H dominates the physical affair, but Rollins has been the champ for the best part of a year. He squirms out of AA Spinebuster attempts and counters with his own unique offence. At one point we get a Small package driver that nearly puts The Game away, and soon after Seth counters a SuperPlex attempt into a sunset flip into a Falcon Arrow. Despite all HHH is going through, he’s still as rugged a son of a bitch as ever.

Rollins sets up the Curb stomp. But the game squirms out of the way. SPINEBUSTER!. Triple H has Rollins where he wants him, he briefly goes to mock his opponent with his patented arms in the air pose… Rollins gets to his feet. PEDIGREE!!!!!!!!

1.

2.

 

unnamed-1

 

IT’S A KICK OUT.

 

Rollins is back onto his knees. The Game staring him down. Rollins gets to his feet. He’s groggy. Triple H motions to Rollins with the DX Suck it crutch cross, but then rather that slap his quads, he inexplicably arches his back into a Wyatt-esque Spider pose.

unnamed-2

JBL – “How on earth is he doing that. He’s possessed, he must be! That is absolutely inhuman.”

Rollins staggers back in shock. He gets himself together after a few seconds, he goes to finish the match. HHH catches him.

SISTER ABIGAIL.

Cole – WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON???

1…

2…

 

 

3!!!

unnamed-4

NEW WWE CHAMPION. HHH HAS WON THE WW…….

 

image-1

Cole – WHAT THE HELL. THE NU WYATT FAMILY ARE IN THE RING. HHH IS THE NEW WWE CHAMPION, THAT TAKES SOME TIME TO DIGEST AS IT IS, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON

Rollins is unconscious and Triple H is surrounded by Bray, Dean, and Rowen. The Crowd are in total shock and are popping for the sheer fact that they have no fucking idea what’s going on. (As I’m typing this in the pub… I’m popping as I know what is going on).

Triple H stands in the middle of the ring. He stares at Bray for a short period of time. Bray goes up to him and whispers something in his ear. The Game then takes the message and passes it to the official, who, with a lot of hesitation, passes it on again to the announcer.

unnamed-5

“By request of the Smackdown General Manager Triple H. This following contest, is scheduled for one fall, and it is for…. THE WWE… CHAMPIONSHIP”

While she’s saying this Dean and Rowan step out of the ring. Bray’s in the left corner. Triple H is stood in the middle of the ring. Vacant in Body and in Soul. He’s just swaying….. The crowd pop even more as they realise what’s going on

Ding Ding Ding.

 

SISTER ABIGAIL BY BRAY WYATT

1….

2…..

 

 

3…

OH MY GOD

unnamed-6

WE HAVE A NEW WWE CHAMPION. AND IT’S NOT TRIPLE H…… IT’S BRAY… FUCKING…. WYATT.

Cole and JBL – Ladies and gentleman, we are absolutely clueless as to what has happened here tonight, but at a guess. Triple H has been in Bray Wyatt’s pocket for months. The rhetoric that each man has been spouting has been painfully similar, and it has been going on for MONTHS. And it’s all built to this. Bray Wyatt is WWE Champion and it’s happened in one of the most… bizarre and unique manners that this company has ever witnessed. Ladies and gentleman. Be scared. The Era of Wyatt is upon us.

 

Bray holds the championship to end the segment.

 

royalrumble_2017_whw

OOOOOH ABADOO!!!!
unnamed (3).png
John Cena Sucks!
 .
John Cena Sucks!
 .
Big Match John Lad bursts onto the ramp, talking to the camera about respect and holding up his tea towel that also says RESPECT on it, available from WWEEuroshop.com.
 .
He wastes no time pegging it to the ring, slides under the ropes and shoves his fists in the air. The shirt comes off and goes into the crowd, and John Cena is ready to go.
.

Here comes the Champion.

.

image-5

 .
Christian, who beat John Cena’s friend and sometimes tag partner Daniel Bryan to take that belt during an episode of Raw back in August of last year. And since then he has gone from strength to strength, creating The Gilded stable from Raw’s champions and defeating the likes of Kofi Kingston, Rob Van Dam and John Cena himself just this past week on Raw.
 .
Christian comes to the entrance to his awesome Gilded theme music, flanked on both sides by his Gilded team mates, Edge, Bad News, Jay Lethal and Amazing Kong.
They stand together in a line on the entrance and hold their belts in the air, before each one takes their turn to shake Christian’s hand before disappearing into the back. Seems like Christian’s earlier edict that he was going to take on Cena alone again was true.
.
The last one to go is ECW Champion Edge, an old nemesis of John Cena’s himself. He offers Christian some words of advice before clapping him on the back and making his way out.
 .
Christian walks with purpose to the ring, climbing the steps and getting inside. Cena keeps his distance as the ref checks them both for weapons. Not a bad idea considering Bad News and Jay Lethal’s actions earlier tonight during the IC Title match.
 .
The ref, who let’s say is Jimmy Korderas because we’ve heard of him, relieves Christian of the World Heavyweight title Belt and holds it up in the air.
 .
image-6
 .
The match gets underway and Christian is not shy about initiating the collar/elbow tie up with Cena. Big John easily overpowers Christian and shoves him toward the corner, but the champ quick steps to the side and out of the way. Cena is impressed, even giving Christian a small clap. Christian claps back, but his one is around Cena’s face.
 .
John is less happy with that, but he doesn’t get much time to process it because Christian kicks him in the stomach and twists him up into the Killswitch! Christian trying to end this one early, but Cena is too fresh and he spins out, dropping Christian with a hard clothesline.
 .
During the match Christian continued the quick assault on Cena, using his agility to avoid attacks and strike back to great effect. The more powerful Cena is put on the back foot until he gets angry enough, at which point he clatters into Christian with a shoulder block. Christian is up quick, but Cena runs the ropes and bounces off to catch the champ in a Batista like Spinebuster! He’s really hulking up now boy! Cena whips his armbands into the crowd and goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Christian rolls out of the way! Cena punches the mat with full force and it really seems like his hand is hurt.
.
Christian is backed off by Korderas, which at first he does, but then he steps forward and stamps on Cena’s hand. The ref is furious, but Christian doesn’t give a shit. Cena cradles his hand to his chest but Christian keeps up the pressure, going for the hand as often as he can.
 .
He hits a dropkick off the top rope and goes for the pin,
 .
1…
.
2…
.
NOPE! Cena is up, but that hand is bothering him something fierce. Christian keeps going for it, and Cena tries to shield it as best he can.
.
Cena tries to submit Christian in the STFU, but he can’t lock it in and Christian is able to break free, bending Cena’s injured fingers back in the process.
.
Cocky, Christian makes the sign of the belt around his waist, but all he’s actually done is piss Cena off. John keeps his knackered hand out of it and lays into Christian with hard forearms, decking him with a clothesline!
.
1…
.
2…
.
Fuck off mate! Christian kicks right out, then rolls right out of the ring. He wants no part of an angry John Cena! He starts to back away and allows the ref to count. The crowd do not care for this one bit and they boo the place down. Christian chucks the towel in and walks up the ramp.
.
1…
 .
2…
Cena can’t believe it.
.
3…
.
4…
.
image-7
.

He’s gonna leave! Christian is throwing this match! If he gets counted out he retains the World Heavyweight Title!

.
5…
.
6…
.
Christian gets to the top of the ramp and yells at the crowd to shut up and fuck off and shut up. He’s leaving!
.
YES YES YES!
 .
Daniel Bryan is here! Just standing at the top of the ramp, blocking Christian’s exit. He looks the champion square in the eye and says, “No.”
 .
The crowd chant NO! NO! NO!
.
Christian looks like he might attack Bryan to get past him.
.
7…
.
Sami Zayn! Kofi Kingston! Shelton Benjamin! It’s everyone The Gilded has screwed over! They’re blocking Christian’s path of escape!
.
He backs away from the assembled face, down the ramp.
.
8…
 .Cena gets out of the ring and grabs Christian, giving him a European Uppercut and running him to the ring.
 .
9…
 .
Christian is thrown into the ring and the ref breaks the count! We are going to have a damn match here!
 .
Christian puts his hands up to stop Cena, then grabs him and hoofs him into the corner and hits a diving plancha. He tries to keep up the pressure on Cena in the corner, rocking him with rights and lefts, then a planting DDT.
1…
2…
.
OOOH!
 .
Cena is letting his emotions get the better of him and he almost lost the match because of it.
.
Christian goes for the Killswitch, but Cena powers around and lifts Christian upside down, like the Styles Clash, then hauls him and drops the prick in a sit down powerbomb!
.
1…
.
2…
.
SHOULDER UP! Cena is FUCKING BEYOND LIVID!
From the entrance Daniel Bryan is shouting encouragement, and Cena gets into his Moves of Doom! Shoulder block, shoulder block, Five Knuckle SHUFFLE!
 .
Dead lifts Christian and gets him up on his shoulders… FU! FU! FU!
.
CENA JUST PLANTED CHRISTIAN WITH THE FU!
.
unnamed-4
.
He goes right down for the pin… but the ref doesn’t count. He doesn’t even drop down.
.
Cena demands to know what the hell, but the ref points and Christian’s leg is under the ropes, which is actually how that rule works.
.
And he’s laughing! Christian is laughing at Cena! He flops out of the ring and Cena pushes the ref out of the way and goes right for him, but CLATTER!
.
Christian hits Cena in the fucking ham face with bin lid! Why was that under there?
.
Cena falls back, the ref completely unaware, and Christian slides back in and makes the cover.
.
Christian just stole this damn match!
.
1…
.
2…
 .
NOPE!
 .
CENA KICKS OUT! CENA KICKS OUT! OH MY GOD!
 .
Joey Styles blows his throat clean out of his shirt and Booker T gets so excited he sounds like a Saxophone falling out of a plane. John Cena is still in this match and Christian cannot believe it. Head in his hands, sitting in the middle of the ring, what’s it gonna take to put John Cena away?!
.
He gets out of the ring and grabs for the bin lid. Looks like Christian wants to get himself disqualified now!
.
Daniel Bryan is there! He pulls the weapon out of Christian’s hands and throws it behind him, ordering Christian back into the ring, but suddenly there’s brawling on the ramp! It’s The Gilded! The damn Gilded are out here and it is kicking off HUGE all over the place.
 .
There’s no need though because Cena reaches over the ropes and pulls Christian up by the hair to the apron. His arms tied up in the ropes. Cena slaps the piss out of his chest!
 .
10!
.
10!
.
10!
.
The useless whimpering show off millennials all chant with each hit, looking around to see if anyone has noticed how cool they are.
Christian dives over the ropes and hits a plancha on Big John, then a diving headbutt from the top rope! He’s obviously knackered though, and both men just lie in the ring for a second. This match has taken out of both competitors.
Slowly they both get up and shakily face each other in the ring. Cena goes for the tie up, but Christian is still just that little bit quicker.
 .
KILLSWITCH!
 .
No! Cena reverses! CODE RED!
.
1…
.
2..
.
3!!
 .
HE’S DONE IT! JOHN CENA HAS ACCOMPLISHED WHAT NO ONE ELSE ON RAW HAS BEEN ABLE TO!
 .
JOHN CENA HAS WON THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE!
.
In the ring Cena can barely even believe it himself. He’s handed the belt and falls to his knees.
.
image-8
 .
Outside the ring Christian is just screaming at The Gilded, who have stopped brawling in utter shock at this result. Edge tries to calm him down but it’s not use. Cena leans over the ropes and holds HIS belt out at Christian!
 .
“The Champ… is… here!” he points at himself as Daniel Bryan gets into the ring and throws his mate a massive hug, holding Cena’s arm up in triumph!
.
The crowd all chant YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
 .
We have a new World Heavy Champion!
.
Christian gets in Barrett’s face, blaming him and the other Gilded for his loss. Barrett looks away, taking the abuse, but it gets to be too much and up and slaps Christian in the face!
.
Barrett – “If you don’t hold gold, you’re holding us back.”
.
The Gilded all turn their backs on Christian and walk away up the ramp with their titles, leaving the FORMER champion ringside by himself.
 .
image-9
 .
Just before the Rumble, we get a video recap of Brock Lesnar swearing pain upon Ko-Mo. This is quickly followed by the Kevin Owens and John Morrison themselves warming up backstage in their locker room.
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s