In a pre-show bout that had decent wrestling but little heat, Samoa Joe squashed Darren Young in 1:04 by submission with a Coquina Clutch.
And that’s the end of that! Now let’s get into the actual broadcast part of Raw…
“BOOM! BOOM! BOOM-BA-BOOM! BOOM!” The show starts with an impressive opening of pyro, before the lights are raised and several sections of the excited crowd are shown waving various signs. The focus then switches to the announce table where Joey Styles and Booker T hype up Lock Down! “We’re just six days away from Lock Down, the first Raw exclusive PPV of the year, and there’s still a lot of questions needing answers before we get there. Particularly the answer of The Undertaker regarding Kane’s challenge to a match this Sunday.”
Oh shit, it’s Chris effing Jericho!
He’s sporting a black eye from his confrontation with Shelton Benjamin last week, when during LIVE! With Chris Jericho he got on the wrong side of Shelty B and the lad dropped him with Paid Dirt.
Y2J is not best pleased, as you might imagine.
He waits for the crowd to shut up, then tells them to shut up. “Last week, I made my triumphant return to Monday Night Raw and triumphant return to all of your pathetic tragic disgusting sweaty disappointing lives! I came here to make an impassioned speech and I was unable to complete it, so I’m here again this week to finally finish what I was going to say!
I am the greatest Intercontinental Champion alive, and…
Jericho kicks the bottom rope in frustration as Shelton Benjamin once again interrupts him.
“Do we have to go through this again Chris? Last week I came down here and dropped you right in the middle of the ring and yet here you are still claiming to be the best Intercontinental Champion. So you’ve won the most times right? You’re the nine time IC Champion? Well Chris… that just means you lost it nine times. Since I came back to the WWE last year, I’ve been within a hairs breadth of regaining that title… MY TITLE… and if Bad New Barrett would actually wrestle me for it he would lose, but instead he ducks and dodges and he cheats to get by.”
“Lads lads lads… all this arguing back and forth, animosity and anger, it’s completely unnecessary. Is Jericho the best champion, or is it Shelton? Jericho? Shelton?
Some of the crowd boo, some cheer!
Jericho? Shelton? Jericho? Shelton?
The greatest Intercontinental Champion in history is the CURRENT REIGNING INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION!
ME! Bad News Barrett!
I’ve beaten every challenger who’s come after my title. I beat Cody Rhodes so badly he had to leave the company for months! So if you’re looking for the greatest Intercontinental Champion… you’re looking at him right now!!”
Jericho goes to say something, but he bats Shelton in the face with his mic and hits the Code Breaker!
Bad News rolls out of the ring to avoid the fight and disappears off with the title.
Backstage the Universal Tag Team Champs, reDragon, are interviewed by Renee Young. Bobby Fish puts over Bubba Ray Dudley and D’Von, and their years of competition and their inordinate success as both a team and as singles stars. Bubba was TNA World Champion for the love of God. At the Royal Rumble they put on a show stealing match with The Briscoes, and they managed to come out on top and retain the Tag Team Titles.
At Lock Down it’s gonna be reDragon versus The Dudleyz for the Universal Tag Team Titles, for the last time. This is it. The Blow Off! And reDragon will not underestimate The Dudley Boyz.
In a bout that had decent wrestling but didn’t have much heat, Mickie James defeated Ashley Flair in 9:33 by pinfall with a Mickie-T.
We’ve just gotten word that tonight’s penultimate match has been changed! We were due to see Sami Zayn face Rusev, hopefully finally putting an end to the odd animosity the two seem to have had with one another for the past few weeks, but due to earlier events involving Chris Jericho and Shelton Benjamin, Paul Heyman has decreed that the Sami will be joined by Shelton Benjamin, and Rusev will team up with Chris Jericho, making it a tag team match!
In the ring, Raw General Manager Paul Heyman is addressing the WWE Universe, which is what they insist on calling fans still.
“Things have been changing on Raw this year. The Gilded is dead, firstly and most thankfully. Your new World Heavyweight Champion is John Cena, and while I can’t say I condone some of his actions, something I do agree with is the spirit of competition he is bringing back to our coveted titles. Accepting Christian’s challenge for a Hell In the Cell match at Lockdown. Jay Lethal has stirred competition for his European Championship on Power Hour, and tonight we’ll see a number one contenders match between Damien Sandow and Consequences Creed.
And in the spirit of this new competitive atmosphere here on Raw, your Universal Women’s champion Amazing Kong has been coming to me week on week looking for more difficult competition. A more challenging test of her incredible strength and skill in the ring. At the Rumble she took on and defeated Bayley. The week after that she put Becky Lynch on the injured list and last week she beat Adrienne Reese and Alicia Fox from NXT, at the same time!
As the most dominant female in WWE Women’s Division history, I felt that it was time for her to face a higher level of competitor. No offence to Bayley, or to any of the extremely talented women from NXT, but obviously Amazing Kong is a special case. She is the Women’s Champion, and I think she deserves to face someone of equal caliber. Allow me to announce Amazing Kong’s opponent for the Universal Women’s Title at Lockdown…
Mickie James comes sprinting to the ring holding the Classic Women’s Title Belt. She thanks Paul, and gets on mic, “This… this is MY Women’s Title. When I beat Hall of Famer legend Trish Stratus at Wrestlemania 22 to win my first Women’s Title, I was gifted a replica by the WWE. This is it. At home I also have a Divas title and a TNA Knockout Title. I am in fact the only woman in history to win all three of those belts. If Amazing Kong wants competition… I’m it!”
(Paul Heyman was very poor trying to improvise dialogue… Fuck. Off)
The Dudleyz are up in the ring!
Tonight, as an exhibition ahead of their final title shot against reDragon this Sunday at Lockdown, The Dudleyz have invited a team from NXT to try their luck here on Raw. D’Von told Kathy Kelly JoJo or whoever the fuck, that the Dudleyz will be victorious this weekend and walk out of Lockdown with their 27th Tag Team Title, so since Sunday is going to be all about their legacy tonight should be about the future of the WWE Tag Team division.
And their opponents are…
Blake and Murphy Have arrived!
In a bout that had terrible wrestling and non-existent crowd heat, The Dudley Boyz defeated Blake and Murphy in 4:56 when Bubba Ray Dudley destroyed Murphy by pinfall following a 3D through a table. They then gave Blake his own 3D through his own table.
In terms of in-ring work, Bubba Ray Dudley was head and shoulders above everyone else. Murphy was the weak link, struggling to keep up with everyone else’s in-ring performance.
Backstage, Consequences Creed is stretching and walking ready for his match with Damien Sandow. He passes Paige in the hall. They stop, look at each other, then just walk on. It’s well awkward.
We cut to Damien Sandow, also getting ready for his match next. This one is for the Number One Contendership to the European Title. The winner goes on to face Jay Lethal at Lockdown, probably. Unless Lethal adds yet another round to his improvised tournament.
In a decent match, Consequences Creed defeated Damien Sandow in 10:52 by pinfall with a surprise roll up.
Sandow is furious and the crowd are pretty shocked. Creed just pulled a major upset in his first match on Raw! He’s going forward to face his former tag team partner Jay Lethal for the European Title!
Lethal appears at the entrance and walks down to the ring, climbing inside. There’s a moment of tension, but Lethal grabs Creed in a hug and raises his hand!
Looks like these two are on the same… page.
But no, wait… Lethal drops Creed’s arm, chucks him the pegs and then batters him with his EU title! Lethal then stands over him, posing with the belt.
We get a recap video of Paige and Big trying to kidnap Bayley and being run off by Stixx, followed by Joey Styles hyping the upcoming match between Big E and Stixx, which is NEXT!
In a decent match, Big E defeated Stixx in 10:51 by pinfall with The Big Ending following interference from Paige.
After the match, Stixx was getting a beat down from Big E, but out comes Bayley! She hits a fucking Zig Zag on Paige, distracting Big E long enough to allow Stixx to make the big comeback, hulking out and knocking Big E over the top rope with a fierce European Uppercut!
Before things get anymore out of hand, Jake Roberts comes down and talks his clients into backing off. For now.
The Rated ECW Champion Edge is in the ring next, making his “open challenge” to face anyone with ECW pedigree for the title. “Doesn’t matter if you’re Lance Storm, Shane Douglas, Justin Credible, Taz… if you’re back there visiting the boys and trying to relive some of your glory, then come on out here and get nostalgic with me as I put you out of commission for good! No amount of backyard trampoline weight lifting is gonna bring you back! Come on… LET’S GET EXTREME!”
So who’s it gonna be? Which ECW Alumni will try for the belt this week? Edge made short work of Axl Rotten on Raw last Monday…
That’s IAN ROTTEN! IAN ROTTEN is here to try and get the job done that his brother couldn’t!
Edge is in the ring ready to take Rotten, but then…
What the effing jeff is he doing out here?
The Bizarre Goldust decks Rotten with all his might. As Rotten slumps to the ground, Goldust pounces; stomping the tar out of him with reckless fury. To the horror of everyone, Goldust picks Ian up and delivers a Brainbuster onto the concrete floor beside the entrance ramp.
He makes a run for the ring, but Edge is already making his exit, and they wind up swapping places. Goldust in the ring, Edge on the ramp next to the destroyed body of Ian Rotten.
“Stop running Edge! You have to know you’ll never get away. That belt… the ECW title… I NEED IT! I need it to get my HEAD STRAIGHT and wake me up from this… this nightmare! So think on this Edge… that belt carries a curse. A curse from which you can never escape! A curse called…. oooooooooohGOLD… DUST! I’m going to haunt you forever Edge, haunt your life until you give me what I need. FACE ME! Face me for the ECW Title and escape the curse. Let me wake you up!”
Edge thinks about it, looks down at the fucked up pile of Ian Rotten, and starts backing away.
Then the crowd start chanting…
“WE WANT HARDY! WE WANT HARDY!”
Edge tries to ignore it, but he’s getting more and more angry.
WE WANT HARDY! CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP!!!
“SHUT UP! SHUT UP ABOUT MATT FRIGGING HARDY! He’s not here! He’s not here because I DESTROYED HIM! And I took his title and I have PROVED that I am the most extreme champion on Raw!”
Goldust screams, “FIGHT ME!”
Edge has had enough.
“You want a fight Goldust, you painted maniac?! YOU GOT IT! And if you’re so sure I’ll never escape from your “curse” on my title, how about we make it a Steel Cage Match?!”
Goldust is fucking DELIGHTED! He yells, “YES!” before falling onto his back and laughing like a tickled nutter.
Edge starts to wonder if he’s made a terrible mistake, but it’s tough tits now because everyone know if you say a thing in WWE, they immediately book that thing.
So it’s gonna EDGE v GOLDUST for the ECW Title in a Steel Cage at Lockdown!
Next up, we see John Cena hanging out with Bad News.
Cena tells Barrett that he admires what he did earlier, going out there and shaking things up between Jericho and Shelton. He says tonight Barrett has to face another test of his championship mettle.
He’s face agility, he’s faced power, but tonight he has to fight against the odds. His match is next, so he’d better get out there. And maybe give some thought to who he wants to face at Lockdown, because every single member of the Cenation WILL be putting their titles on the line on Sunday. No exceptions.
Barrett leaves and in walks Paul Heyman.
“Hello John. I wanted to have a word with you. As I said before, I admire the spirit of competition you’re bringing back to Raw, and in that spirit, I have a request.”
Cena looks like he’d rather punch Heyman in the mouth than listen to him, but he nods for Paul to continue.
“Last year, The Gilded made my job, and by extension my life, very difficult. As they did yours. However the landscape of Raw has changed significantly since the Royal Rumble, thanks to yourself, and with The Gilded dead and the… Cenation… dominant on Monday nights I wanted to ask you to direct your dominance in a certain area. Namely… Christian.
Your match with him for Lockdown is booked, and best of luck to you, but I was wondering if you’d care to get your hands on him a little earlier?”
Cena looks intrigued, but he still doesn’t say anything.
“To that end, I have an idea.”
We cut to commercial before we can hear the idea.
Bad News Barrett comes out, IC title over his shoulder, ready for his match. Before commercial, Cena told Barrett that tonight he would be facing the odds. Beyond that, he has no idea who his opponent tonight will be. He doesn’t seem to care though.
Tonight Barrett is gonna have to defeat both former IC Champion Zack Ryder AND his tag team partner Brian Freeman (who is Curt Hawkins, just FYI). It’s gonna be a handicap match for Barrett to further prove his worth to the leader of the Cenation!
In a bout that had decent wrestling but little heat, Bad News Barrett defeated Free Ryder in 10:30 when Bad News Barrett clotheslined Ryder out of the ring and hit the Wasteland on Freeman for the pin. After the match he hit the Wasteland on Freeman again, then went out of the ring and hit it on Ryder for the final insult.
(Bad News Barrett carried the match in terms of in-ring performance.)
The Undertaker’s symbol appears on the screen, bursts into flames and crumbles to ashes to reveal The Deadman himself, in some secret smokey location.
“Kane… for years we have fought. Side by side. Face to face. As enemy and as brother, but I told you that you were going too far. That your mind was fractured, shattered. Your actions were destructive to both yourself and the WWE, and I had to intervene. I’m afraid though that my attempts to bring you back from the edge of madness have failed. You have fallen into the precipice, taking Rob Van Dam with you.
The only course left to me was to cut out the cancer of RVD, leaving your exposed. Alone. You challenge me at Lockdown now, promising to make me better. Well Kane I accept, but it will be YOU who is healed through pain. I will take you back to the place where tall this began. To the place your mind was first broken, and through violence I will heal your psyche. At the end of the night, neither of us will be as we are now. I’m sorry it’s come to this, but to return you to sanity we must pass through… Hell… in a Cell!”
OH MY GAWD!!!!
The Undertaker will face his brother Kane inside Hell in a Cell! The Brother’s of Destruction vow to destroy one another! Neither will come out of that match in one piece!
Next, in a match whose seed was sewn at the start of the show, Rusev and Chris Jericho will take on Shelton Benjamin and Sami Zayn in tag team action!
In a good match, Rusev and Chris Jericho drew with Shelton Benjamin and Sami Zayn in 14:41 when the match descended into chaos after Rusev and Sami fought one another into the crowd and disappeared, while Jericho and Shelton were both attacked by an interfering Bad News Barrett!
The referee declared the match a draw, but Barrett stole his mic.
“I’ve proved that I can overcome agility, overcome speed, and tonight I showed John Cena and the World that I can overcome the odds when they’re stacked against me.
I am the longest reigning Champion on Monday Night Raw, and I am the Greatest Intercontinental Champion in WWE History!
Tonight John Cena asked me to choose my opponent for Lockdown, and I’ve given it some serious thought. See, tonight I beat a former Intercontinental Champion in Zack Ryder, and at the Rumble I beat another former Intercontinental Champion by the name of Shelton Benjamin!”
Shelton looks like he might storm the ring, but referees hold him back. Jericho just laughs at him.
“At Lockdown I will put my title on the line against another former Intercontinental Champion!”
Jericho cockily points at himself, already assuming it’ll be him. Shelton berates Barrett, yelling that it should be him at Lockdown since Bad News cheated his victory at the Rumble.”
“This Sunday, you will see Bad News Barrett take on… Shelton Benjamin!”
The crowd go mental with excitement, and Jericho does as well but with fury. He’s kicking right off until Barrett raise a finger to shush him.
“and… Chris Jericho!”
Triple Threat! Bad News Barrett just put his title on the line against two opponents at once! The odds really will be stacked against him this Sunday at Lockdown!
Heyman is once again backstage, and he finds who he’s looking for. Christian and Edge.
“Good evening gentlemen. You’re needed. In the ring.”
They immediately kick off, but Heyman just stands there calmly smiling.
“I know you’re unhappy, but the fact is… you work for me! Christian, since you LOST the World Heavyweight Title to John Cena, you no longer have the barrier of Champions Rights to hide behind. You get booked in matches like everyone else, and Edge… well we had you booked to defend your ECW title tonight, but since that never happened it seems you OWE US a match.”
He’s got them there.
“See you in the ring.”
After that commercial for Bananas, which is real, we get into our Main Event…
The crowd pop huge for the reunion of E&C, Edge and Christian, one of the most dominant and popular tag teams in the past 20 odd years.
Neither look especially pleased to be making their way to ring though. They wait in there for their opponents, arms folded, all pissed off.
The European Champion is dressed to compete, and he gets on mic to introduce his tag team partner for the evening. The Leader of the Cenation, the World Heavyweight Champion, John… CENA!!!
In a bout that had superb wrestling and great heat, John Cena and Jay Lethal defeated Edge and Christian in 15:45 when Jay Lethal hit a low blow on Edge outside the ring and Cena planted Christian with the Code Red, grabbing a handful of tights for the pin.
Jay Lethal was the weak link, struggling to keep up with everyone else’s in-ring performance.
(Christian in ring 100, Cena 95, Edge 99, Lethal 78)
Edge continues to battle Lethal after the match, the two former Gilded members going at it outside the ring. Cena calling the shots over the ropes, until…
YES YES YES YES YES!!
Daniel Bryan runs down the ramp and kicks Cena’s head off.
He goes out the ring, straight into the path of Christian who hits the Killswitch on the mat!
Lethal suddenly finds himself spun around by Consequences Creed! Creed chops Jay in the chest, turning him right into Edge!
Edge spears Jey Lethal through the barricade as revenge and we end Raw this week with a bunch of people lying all over the floor and Daniel Bryan standing tall in the middle of the ring!
SEE YOU AT LOCKDOWN!