In a pre-show bout that had sub-par wrestling and non-existent crowd heat, Zack Ryder defeated Darren Young in 8:25 by pinfall with a Rough Ryder
In a pre-show bout that had decent wrestling but didn’t have much heat, Big Day defeated The Usos, The Ascension and The Briscoes in 12:14 when The Big Show defeated Viktor by pinfall with a Choke Slam. The Big Day are the new Number One Contenders.
(It was pretty clear that Jimmy Uso was drunk during the match)
In a decent pre-show match, Damien Sandow defeated Samoa Joe in 13:04 by pinfall with a Terminus.
(Samoa Joe 66, Sandow 83)
(Samoa Joe 66, Sandow 83)
“BOOM! BOOM! BOOM-BA-BOOM! BOOM!”
Joey Styles – Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the first Raw brand PPV of 2017, it’s Lock Down! We are live from The Alamodome in San Antonio Texas, and by GOD have we got a stacked card for you here tonight!
Booker T – You aint joking Joey Styles. Tonight we’re bout to see John Cena put up his World Heavyweight Title against the man he took it from, the former leader of The Gilded ,Christian. In a Hell in a damn Cell match!
Mick Foley – I’m no stranger to those as you boys know. They shorten careers by full years, but in some cases those same careers can be made in Hell in a Cell.
Joey Styles – And speaking of Hell in a Cell, two men who know that demonic structure all too well are The Undertaker and Kane. Brothers of Destruction, both hell bent on seeing the other change their ways. The Undertaker has for months been trying to pull Kane back from what he sees as madness, even going so far as to destroy Rob Van Dam at the Rumble, while recently on Raw Kane broke his silence to let his brother know that he’s not mad. He’s sane, Kane says, and he’s going to make The Undertaker “better” here tonight.
Mick Foley – Joey, if I only take away one piece of information from my career in that ring, it’s that no one comes out of Hell in a Cell better than when they went in.
The Deadman enters the Hell in a Cell for the 15th time in his career, more than anyone else in the history of the WWE. He shows no fear of the cage as he makes his way into the ring to await his opponent, and brother…
The Devil’s Favourite Demon, it’s gotta be KANE!
Kane no stranger to the cell himself, walking into his fourth Hell in a Cell match and his 3rd against The Undertaker! In fact, Taker and Kane are equal with a win a piece.
In a bout that had great wrestling and good heat, Kane faced The Undertaker down for a few moments before they just explode violence everywhere. There was absolutely no holding back as the two darkest WWE Superstars knocked lumps off each other in the middle of the ring, before spilling out onto the apron. Kane used the wire to scrape away at Taker’s face, opening the Deadman up and smearing blood across the cage.
Taker mounted a comeback in the ring, but Kane’s ferocious attacks never let up or lost steam and he dropped Taker with a massive chokeslam.
1… 2… NO!!!!
Taker is up and Kane can’t believe it! Unfortunately if anything this just made Kane angrier. He forces the Cell door off it’s hinges like it’s made of paper.
Taking the disembodied door into the ring and using it to batter The Undertaker, until Taker gets out of the way and locks in Hell’s Gate!
It’s in, but Kane just won’t submit! He sticks his thumb in Taker’s eye, forcing him to break the hold.
Obviously, and inevitably, they climb the cage. Taker on one side, Kane on the other, scaling the massive structure before slowly walking towards one another on the roof. They meet again, once more face to face. It looks like Taker is trying to reason with his brother. He drops to a knee and lifts his hand, Kane looking down at him.
Kane reaches out for his brother’s hand, but suddenly seizes him around the throat! Taker retaliates, and they get locked in a brother on brother goozle nightmare on top of the cell!
Kane kicks Taker in the guts, spins him around and catches him in the Tombstone…
Joey Styles – Don’t do it Kane! Not this!
Booker T – He’s gonna break his damn neck!
Kane stands atop the cage, ready to tombstone his brother straight to hell, and then he lets him go.
Mick Foley – Oh thank God!
Kane looks his brother in the eyes and slowly takes off his mask!
Joey Styles – He’s unmasking! Kane is voluntarily taking off his own mask!
Underneath we see the bald no eyebrows Kane, who was shit scary as well to be fair. He stares at Taker and something passes between them. Kane puts his hand over Taker’s blood soaked face and draws the flames of his mask on his own face with his fingers, before grabbing Taker by the throat and Chokeslamming him through the top of the cage.
Joey Styles – OH MY GOD!!!
Mick Foley – That’s it he’s dead.
Kane drops down to the ring and pins his brother.
1… 2… 3!
The lights go out, and when they come back up neither Kane nor The Undertaker are there. The cell is hoisted up and referees search the ring for any sign of them.
Booker T – Where the hell are they?
Mick Foley – There’s no way The Undertaker got up and out of that ring under his own power. Something’s going on here.
Joey Styles – Well next up we have our Universal Women’s Title match between WWE Legend Mickie James and the current powerhouse champion Amazing Kong.
Booker T – Kong has been running through everybody in the Women’s Division lately, sometimes two or three at a time, so I think as good as Mickie is she’s gotta be focused on survival here.
Mick Foley – I wouldn’t count Mickie out too soon Book. She’s a former TNA Knockouts Champion, a Divas Champion and five time WWE Women’s Champion. She’s not to be taken lightly.
Here she comes, ready for a fight. The challenger Mickie James! Raw General Manager Paul Heyman handed picked Mickie after Kong just destroyed everyone else he put in front of her. She demanded better competition, and she just might get it tonight.
Mickie James manages to get in a shocking amount of offence against Amazing Kong early on in this match, using her agility and ring experience to out manoeuvre the much bigger champion. Kong looked genuinely surprised at the trouble she was having putting Mickie away, and after an Amazing Splash off the middle rope Kong went for the pin, but Mickie showed excellent awareness and managed to get her foot on the ropes to break the pin, rolling out of the ring to get a breather.
Kong stands in the ring, a huge smile plastered on her face. This is what she wanted. This is real competition!
The referee gets to a 7 count, and Kong climbs out of the ring and puts Mickie back in, breaking the count.
Booker T – She could’ve retained the title right there!
Joey Styles – She doesn’t want to do it that way obviously. Amazing Kong’s enjoying this!
With Mickie back in the ring, Kong actually waits for her to get back up to her feet before hitting the ropes, Mickie ducks, Kong returns and gets a Mick Kick in the face!
Kong throws Mickie off, but she’s down on the mat for the first time in months! Mickie gives her the same courtesy, letting her get back up, before going for another Mick Kick. Kong catches her legs and plants Mickie with a Fisherman’s Suplex that shakes the entire ring. She makes the bridge, and it’s 1.. 2… 3
Amazing Kong makes defence number 3 of her WWE Universal Women’s title.
After accepting her title, Kong is about to leave the ring when she stops and looks back at Mickie, trying to get up. She smiles and goes back.
Joey – No come on! You won the match! She’s obviously hurt!
Kong stomps over to Mickie, grabs her arm and pulls her to her feet. Then she claps her on the back, gives her a nod and leaves the ring.
Mick Foley – Tremendous show of respect from the Universal Women’s Champion to the challenger Mickie James.
Booker T – Kong wanted competition and Mickie gave it to her. That’s worth almost as much as the title to her.
Mickie looks pretty surprised as we go to a commercial for WRESTLEMANIA 33!
A video plays hyping the phenomenal careers and accomplishments of The Dudley Boyz, the most decorated Tag Team in wrestling history.
The video cuts out to show the current Universal Tag Team Champions, Bobby Fish and Kyle O’Reilly; reDragon, who have won a few belts themselves.
Tonight reDragon have vowed that no matter what happens, they will end their feud with The Dudley Boyz.
In the opening of the match reDragon offered to shake hands with their opponents, but the Dudleyz refused and went straight on the attack. Bubba Dudley especially aggressive, throwing Bobby into the ropes and hitting a Samoan Drop to start the match proper.
Bubba and Bobby go at it, finding themselves equally matched. Bubba brings the power, but Fish is fast and they struggle to catch hold of one another, until Fish escapes a piledriver attempt with a hurricanrana, tagging himself out and Kyle O’Reilly.
Kyle winds up toe to toe with D’Von, and the same game plays out. D’Von hits hard, but Kyle hits fast. The two teams eventually come face to face in the ring, both understanding it’s going to have to be a different level of contest if either of them are going to get the upper hand.
D’Von pegs it to the ring and pulls out a table, while Kyle goes to the other side and pulls out this fella…
It’s at this point that shit gets wacky.
Bubba and D’Vo set up two tables in the middle of the ring, reDragon put their ladder up on the outside. They’re looking to climb it, but the Dudleyz kick it over, almost knocking some twats teeth out in the front row. Several times people are almost put through the table, until a seemingly blown spot when Bubba tries to powerbomb Bobby and the tables get separated. Bobby hits the mat and Bubba gets pissed off, kicking one of the tables onto it’s back. Kyle dropkicks him, laying Bubba out on the other table. He quick pegs it out of the ring, runs up the ladder and hits the Coup de Grace on Bubba, driving him through the table and paying homage to NXT’s Finn Balor.
The metal frame of the table slices a pretty nasty gash in Kyle’s leg, and D’Von stamps on it over and over to keep him out the game.
D’Von and Bobby fight up the ladder on the outside, and D’Von sets Bobby up to a Diamond Cutter off the ladder and into the ring. Bobby punches him in his carved up head, Kyle flips the overturned table just in time and for Bobby to flip, hitting a Diamond Cutter of his own and putting D’Von right through the table. He drapes a hand over him and it’s 1… 2… 3!
reDragon retain! reDRagon make defence number 2 of their WWE Universal Tag Team titles, and this back and forth with The Dudleyz is over! While ever reDragon hold the Universal Tag Team Titles, Bubba and D’Von are locked out.
The ref starts checking on everyone, and Bubba is the first to his feet. He helps D’Von up, then the Dudleyz rolls out of the ring and grab the Tag belts. They get back in and hand the belts back to reDragon, shaking their hands. Everyone goes nuts for it, chanting ECW as we go to commercial, which is another one for bananas.
We see a video package showing Big E and Paige, clients of Jake “The Snake” Roberts’ Snake Agency, plotting to kidnap and remove Bayley to make way for Paige in the Women’s Division. The plan doesn’t pan out as Stixx interferes, getting us to where we are now.
Snake Agency v Bayley and Stixx, Intergender Tag Team Match!
In a decent match, Bayley and Stixx defeated Paige and Big E in 7:57 when Stixx got Big E in the Beeston Crab on the outside, as Bayley hit Paige with a Flying Savage Elbow for the pin.
In terms of in-ring work, Big E was head and shoulders above everyone else. Paige was the weak link, struggling to keep up with everyone else’s in-ring performance.
We next get a video reminding us of everything that’s happened to Goldust this year. The physically and mentally devastating Hell in a Cell match with Kane, which broke his mind and convinced him he had been Awakened into some mad unreality, followed by his attempts to get injured to wake himself back up into the real world, and onto his current obsession with the ECW Title, which he believes is the key to fixing his mind.
He handcuffed himself to Edge at The Royal Rumble, and has promised to haunt the Rated ECW Superstar until he claims back the belt.
The Awakened Goldust makes his way to the ring as the Cage is being built. He throws himself inside, and they put up three sides of the cage, leaving the entrance side open for the ECW Champion…
ON THIS DAY!!!
Edge looks a bit hesitant, but eventually he gives up the ECW Title to the referee. Goldust’s eyes follow the belt as it’s taken over to the timekeeper’s area. Edge gets into the ring and they raise the fourth side, imprisoning Edge and Goldust together. This match can only be won by escaping the cage. No pinfalls. No submissions.
Goldust lunges at Edge, who sidesteps out of the way, but it turns out Goldust wasn’t going for the attack at all. He pulls a long chain out of his coat and chains the door shut, snapping a padlock shut before Edge can stop him. He shows Edge the key, then chucks it over the top of the cage. Looks like that’s the only way Edge will be getting out of here.
The two men set about just straight murdering each other in the the Cell. Goldust attacking with the new aggressive ferocity we’ve seen from him since Survivor Series last year, and Edge fighting tooth and nail just to survive. Edge grates the paint of Goldust’s face with the chainlink, but Goldust seems to love. He laughs like an actual maniac as the blood drips down into his mouth and Edge actually backs away a couple of steps.
Then SPEAR!! SPEAR!!! Edge Spears Goldust damn near in half, then jumps right up and starts climbing the cage, but Goldust is on him fast, meeting him on the walls and shoving his thumbs in Edge’s eyes. The Rated ECW Superstar falls back to the mat, and Goldust attempts to climb over the top but there’s blood on his hands. His own blood, and he slips and lands in the ring next to Edge.
Mick Foley – Good Lord! What Goldust is willing to put himself through for the ECW title.
Booker T – He’s friggin’ crazy Mick.
The two men just lie there, like dropped medical waste, before each slowly getting to their feet. They batter each other for a while, then turn and head to opposite walls and start to climb. Edge has almost made it, but he sees Goldust in a similar position. He’s on the lip of the cage. Goldust is gonna do it! Just drop down and you Wake Up!
Edge leaps off the cage to the ring, takes a few steps and jumps up to the other side, meeting Goldust on the top of the cage. They fight, they stand, teetering and wobbling on the thin shelf of the cage. Goldust almost falls, but Edge saves him!
If he’d fallen out there he would’ve have won the title!
Edge, on shaky ground, gets under Goldust’s back and hoists him up into a crucifix. Standing 18 feet off the ring, 20 feet off the ground, holding Goldust six feet into the air, Edge screams ECW! and fires Goldust back into the ring with a crunching Crucifix Power Bomb!
Goldust crumples like a bin liner full of sticks, and Edge lowers himself to the floor to retain!
The referees run out with boltcutters to get into the cage and give medical attention to Goldust as Edge grabs his title, looking back at the ring with a haunted expression. He can’t really believe what he just did to keep the belt.
There’s a quick video putting over Jay Lethal’s take over of The Power Hour and his adhoc tournament to find a challenger for the European Champion. We see the shock return of Consequences Creed, his win over Damian Sandow, and the post match attack by former tag team partner Jay Lethal.
The two former partners match each other move for move. Reversals, counters and counter reversals. They know each other so well, they end up in a chain wrestling back and forth before separating to their respective corners. The crowd dig it, because they barely every see any actual wrestling. Things get more shoot fighty when Creed mocks Lethal by doing a Macho Man “woooohyeaaaaahh!” to mock Lethal’s old Black Machismo gimmick.
Jay loses his temper and goes on the attack, throwing Creed around the ring with suplex after suplex. Creed battles back with some decent strikes, dropping Lethal with the Culture Shock DDT. He goes for the pin but it’s 1… 2… OOOH and Lethal kicks out.
Creed hits the ropes and twats Lethal with a Shining Wizard.
1… 2… oooooohh
He goes again for the ropes, but Lethal catches him with an elbow, springboards off the ropes and administers LETHAL COMBINATION!
1… 2… THREE!!!
Lethal retains the European Championship!
Post match, Lethal helps Creed up. It looks like we’re getting another respect handshake. We don’t though, because Jay smashes the title belt into Creed’s face and throws him out of the ring, hoisting the title up in celebration.
Backstage Rusev is consulting with his manager Jake Roberts, when Sami Zayn drops out of the fucking sky and starts pasting him. The two kick the fuck out of each other backstage until Jake gets between them and calmly tells them to take it to the ring. The master manipulator leads Rusev away, telling Sami they can settle this properly. Then maybe we can all find out what the hell is going on between Rusev and Sami!
It takes no time whatsover for Sami and Rusev to resume smashing each other up in the ring.
Joey – I just to remind everyone here that we just have no clue why these guys hate each other. This all started when Sami attacked Rusev on the Raw before the Rumble, and since then they’ve taken every opportunity to seek out and punch each other in the face.
Booker T – This is crazy. You can’t go anywhere backstage anymore in case one of these guys comes flying out of the shadows to attack the other.
The match between Sami Zayn and Rusev is ruled a no contest when the pair brawl onto the stage area where Sami Zayn gains the advantage and leaps straight off of the stage with Rusev, crashing through a technical table below.
Joey Styles – OH MY GOD!
The crowd is left to watch in horror as EMT’s rush to tend to both workers, resulting in them being stretchered away with Rusev in particular discomfort.
The challengers are kept apart by the referee, Scott Armstrong, but they’re glaring the shit out of each other.
Introducing the Intercontinental Champion…
“Hello lads. My name is Wade Barrett, but you can consider me Bad News! This belt and the title it represents belong to me! They’ve been mind for the best part of a year and regardless of your record breaking number of wins Chris Jericho, or your impressive career Shelton Benjamin, both belt and title stay with me.”
The match gets underway and Barrett steps back to let Jericho and Shelton fight one another. He even leaves the ring for a while, walking around and telling the crowd how wank they are to get some heat.
In the ring, Jericho and Shelton are putting on a clinic. The veteran Jericho has great ring awareness, allowing him to use the ropes and turnbuckles to avoid and reverse moves. Shelton has speed and agility on Chris, ducking and dodging and hitting snap suplexes and quick kicks.
Shelton superkicks Jericho out of the ring, and Barrett finally joins the match, flattening Shelton with a discuss Lariat, then showboating for the audience like a conquering hero. They boo him to buggery, and Shelton quick pops up and hits a snap German, then another, then another, then another.
Some insufferable prick in the audience holds up numbers every time he hits one. It’s the worst.
Jericho gets back in and swats Shelton away, locking up with Barrett in the middle of the ring.
There’s a few reversals, but Jericho gets the best of them and hits the Code Breaker!
1… 2… NOPE!
Shelton breaks up the pin attempt and Barrett rolls out of the ring.
Benjamin and Jericho go back and forth, until PAYDIRT!!
But no pin! Shelton drops both knees on Jericho’s back, grabs his arms and legs and flips him up into a surfboard stretch!
Jericho is screaming as Shelton WRENCHES his back. It’ll take some serious DDP Yoga to sort this out tomorrow, but is he gonna tap?
Shelton pulls down on Jericho’s limbs, stretching his ribs, Jericho’s hand goes up, but Barrett is in the ring! He stomps on Jericho’s abdomen and gives Shelton a swift shin to the face to break the hold.
Barrett hoists Shelton up and BAM!
1… 2… 2 1/2 and shoulder up!
Shelton kicks out and Barrett is furious! He starts laying the boots in, and Jericho joins him. For a minute they’re a team, kicking the ever loving shit out of Shelty B, until obviously Jericho turns on Barrett, clotheslines him and slaps on the walls!
He’s got the champion in the Walls of Jericho!
Barrett screams his head off, but doesn’t tap.
Barrett says NO!
So Jericho puts on the pressure, digging his knee into Barrett’s back.
Mick Foley – It’s the Lion Tamer! Jericho has locked in the Lion Tamer!
Booker T – I’ve been in this hold, and let me tell you it’s not any fun at all.
His hand is up… is he gonna tap? Is Jericho gonna tap out the Champion?!
Mick Foley – If Barrett taps, then Jericho becomes ten time Intercontinental Champion and breaks his own record!
Barrett’s hand is up, it goes down.
Shelton slides into the ring and puts his own hand under Barrett’s to stop the tap out, then grabs his wrist pulls him out of the hold.
Joey Styles – Shelton Benjamin just saved this match for himself.
Booker T – And for Barrett.
Jericho swipes at Benjamin, but Shelton catches his arm and hits a T-Bone Suplex! Picks up Jericho, runs the ropes and hits PAY DIRT!
In a flash he’s on the top turnbuckle, Jericho lying prone.
He flips through the air with a 450 Splash, but Barrett pulls Jericho out the way and Shelton eats shit on the mat.
Bad News scoops him up… WASTELAND!
1… 2… 3!!
Bad News Barrett makes his 4th Defence of the Intercontinental Title!
He did exactly what he said he would! Bad News Barrett has overcome every challenge that John Cena put in front of him! He’s beaten speed, agility, power, and now he’s beaten the odds to retain his Intercontinental Championship!
Bad News takes his leave from the ring sharpish before Shelton or Jericho can their shit together. He’s not stupid. He’s the Intercontinental Champion!
And now it’s time for our MAIN EVENT!
World Heavyweight Champion John Cena, the man who recently went fucking nuts because he’s sick to bastard death of everyone booing him, will take on former Champion and ousted leader of The Gilded, Christian.
Cena has been dead set on re-introducing Competition to the title pictures on Raw, setting ultimatums for all the former Gilded members and champions to fight for their titles, and he’s no exception. Christian demanded his contractual rematch, and Cena gladly accepted, but threw in the stipulation of…
The Hell in a Cell!
Joey Styles – We already saw tonight what Kane and The Undertaker did to one another earlier tonight in this horrendous cage. As it’s lowered down you can see there that one of panels on the roof of the cage is missing. The technicians couldn’t get it properly secured in time, so they just yanked it out.
Mick Foley – Neither Cena nor Christian should be thinking about going to the top of this thing. Consider that missing panel a sun roof and stay in the ring, is my advice.
Introducing the challenger… from Toronto, Ontario, Canada… he is the former World Heavyweight Champion… CHRISTIAN!
At last! You’re on your own!
Booker T – Has Christian ever been in a Hell in a Cell match Joey?
Joey Styles – No he has not. This is a first for the former Gilded leader, but the fourth for Champion John Cena. He’s got a 50% success rate in the matches, which is probably the best you can hope for in reality.
Mick Foley – Success in this match does not mean the same thing as it does in any other match Joey. Even if you win, you lose.
And the Champion… from West Newbury, Massachusetts…
Here comes Mrs Bullshit himself, John Cena!
Joey Styles – The man who betrayed and turned on Daniel Bryan at the Royal Rumble, having already won the World Heavyweight championship.
Booker T – This match could have HUGE implications for Wrestlemania. Right now Daniel Bryan is set to face John in the Mania main event, but if Christian recaptures that World Heavyweight Title then Cena is out and Christian is back in.
Cena slides into the ring and they start to lower the Cell…
Paul – “Just a moment… My name is Paul Heyman, and I am the General Manager of WWE Raw. My apologies for interrupting, but this is very important. This match has the potential to radically alter the main event at this year’s Wrestlemania. Whosoever wins here tonight will be taking the World Heavyweight Title with them into Wrestlemania 33 and they will face the winner of the Royal Rumble, Daniel Bryan, in the most coveted spot on the card. The Final Match of the night. The Main Event of Wrestlemania!
Paul – “Due to the significance of this match, and the ripples throughout the WWE that it’s result is likely to create, and due to the extreme nature of the Hell in a Cell match, I cannot in good conscience allow one of our regular officials to referee this match. No no no. It is simply too dangerous, and it is simply too important. What I need it an official with a vested interest in the outcome of this match, but an official who can withstand the potential violence this stipulation can erupt in. So with that in mind, I think I’ve found someone.”
Holla Holla Holla!
Teddy Long – Why thank you playa. I appreciate the opportunity…
… the opportunity to be here tonight to introduce the Special Guest Referee for this Hell in a Cell match! Ladies and Gentlemen…”
The crowd pop their socks right off and both Cena and Christian exchange angry confused glances. Paul gives them a wave, shakes Bryan’s hand and takes Teddy Long off to get a pint.
Daniel whacks on a ref shirt, the Cell is lowered all the way to the floor and Daniel opens the door and steps inside, instructing the officials to padlock it shut.
Christian starts jaw jacking at Daniel, but he shoves him off, stares Cena right in the face, and calls for the bell.
Cena isn’t happy, but he knows his belt is on the line so he can’t afford to be distracted.
The bell rings and the match is underway…
Cena and Christian tie up, Cena gets the best of the exchange and whips Christian off the ropes and plants him with a Spinebuster!
Daniel counts 1 2 3 and that’s it.
The match is over.
The crowd can’t quite register what the shit is going on, and the announcer doesn’t even say anything for a while. Eventually she gets the nod from someone up high…
“Here is your winner… John Cena!”
She sounds like she doesn’t even believe it. Christian is livid, Cena is baffled. The Cell is raised up.
Christian goes for Daniel, who kicks his knees out, kicks him in the chest, kicks him in the face and dropkicks him under the bottom rope.
Then it’s just Cena and Daniel face to face.
Cena gets it. He grins at his former friend, giving him a little round of applause.
Cena – Smart move Daniel. Or was it?
Bad News Barrett runs out of the crowd, spins Bryan around and twats him with the IC Title belt.
Cena watches on as Jay Lethal appears, with Amazing Kong, and the three members of the Cenation kick the shit out of Daniel Bryan in the middle of the ring.
Christian gets in, confronts his former Gilded minions, but he probably should’ve stayed out of the ring because Kong drops him with a thunderous clothesline and he finds himself in the same position as Daniel, having the boots put to him by the Cenation.
Cena holds up his belt and the crowd soundly boo everything that’s going on as Lock Down comes to a close.