Wrestlemania 33

WELCOME TO…. WRESTLEMANIA!!!!!

We are Live from the Liberty Bowl Stadium in Memphis Tennessee, the heart of Wrestling in the United States, for the 33rd Wrestlemania! Tonight we will see superstars from both Raw and Smackdown compete on the grandest stage of them all! The Showcase of the Immortals! We’d like to thank Pitbull featuring Rihanna and Flo Rida with Pharrell Williams and guest vocals by Kesha for this bullshit song we’re going to keep playing the same 3 seconds of all night long. It’s called “Fuck You” and it’s one of the seventeen official songs of Wrestlemania 33!

Tonight is a HUGE card! We will see the final match for either The Icon Sting or The Deadman, The Undertaker, when these two legends put their careers on the line!
We have TEN…. TEN! Title matches here tonight from battle royals to ladder matches to our Main Event, brewing since The Royal Rumble, when World Heavyweight Champion John Cena takes on his former friend and the object of his jealousy, Daniel Bryan!

Let’s kick things off here tonight with a match pitting the best of the Raw Women’s Division against one another. The winner of this match will definitely be taking a few steps up the ladder towards facing the Universal Women’s Champion, whether than be current champion Amazing Kong or the challenger Asuka!

Raw Women’s Division Match

In a poor pre-show match, Paige defeated Becky Lynch, Mickie James, Naomi, Natalya Neidhart and Bayley in 8:52 when Paige defeated Becky Lynch by pinfall after using a foreign object.

During the match we also had Jake Roberts run in and attack Bayley.

In terms of in-ring work, Bayley was head and shoulders above everyone else. Becky Lynch was the weak link, struggling to keep up with everyone else’s in-ring performance.

Score – 58

Well that’s that!

Joey – Ladies and Gentlemen I am Joey Styles, along with the Hardcore Legend Mick Foley and William Regal, welcoming you to Wrestlemania. Our first title match of the evening is next. The Universal Women’s Title Match between Amazing Kong and Asuka!

WWE Universal Women’s Title Match

Before we start there’s a short video compilation of every woman who’s been flattened and squashed by Amazing Kong since she arrived in the WWE and embarked on her massive winning streak. From defeating Paige for the title, through Sasha Banks, Becky Lynch, Ashley Flair, Bayley, Nattie Neidhart, Adrienne Reese and Alicia Fox, Mickie James, Tamina Snuka, Sara Blackman and Tessa Blanchard and Betsy Ruth and finally Nikki Bella, until we get to two weeks ago on Raw when Kong’s open challenge was answered by none other than former NXT Women’s Champion… Asuka!

Introducing first the challenger, making her WWE in-ring debut… from Osaka Japan and weighing in at 137lbs… ASUKA!

Thirty odd women stream out of the entrance all wearing green cloaks and Asuka masks. They line up in a huge mob, shuffling around until one steps forward, dropping her cloak and removing her mask…

Joey – Here she comes! The former NXT Women’s Champion, as well the number 3 ranked female wrestler in the world!

And the champion. Undefeated in the WWE, from Carson California and weighing in at 272lbs… AMAZING KONG!

First out is John Cena, the World Heavyweight Champion, followed by Bad News Barret, the Intercontinental Champion. Both men raise their titles, then step apart and make way for The WWE Universal Women’s Champion, Amazing Kong.

Kong is wearing an armoured chest piece with a Universal Women’s title plate embedded in centre like the Superman logo. She raises her title high and gold sparks shower the three of them.

Cena and Barrett lift the armour off of Kong and makes her way to the ring.

Regal – Amazing Kong is an incredible talent. She’s barely been taken off her feet since she arrived in the WWE and she’s held that title since Bad Blood November last year. She’s a monster.

Mick – She’s Raw’s answer to Brock Lesnar for sure.

Joey – That’s a match I’d be interested to see.

Kong is in the ring, eyeing up Asuka. She doesn’t look angry or disgusted, but excited. She knows she’s in for a fight, and she cannot wait to get it started. Kong even extends a fist to Asuka, who bumps it in respect as the bell rings.

Regal – I love that. Proper respect from one huge talent to another.

Joey – Kong knows all about the kind of fighter Asuka is, and she’s obviously looking forward to facing someone of her calibre and training.

DING DING DING

The match gets underway and Kong offers hand up and a hand down, traditional tie up. Asuka obliges, and even despite the height different the two lock up in the centre of the ring. Kong gets the better of it and pushes Asuka’s arms to her sides and pins them there, but Asuka isn’t trapped. She headbutts Kong full in the face and the Women’s Champion lets go and steps back, surprised but happy.

Joey – Kong’s smiling!

She is as well. Smiling and laughing. It’s on now!

We get a match closer to the new emerging strong style on CWC than the squashes Kong is usually able to pull off. Asuka is able to take Kong off her feet a number of times with well-placed kicks to the legs.

This is a real contest, finally what Kong has been asking for. Better than that, it’s difficult. Kong is struggling to keep Asuka at bay. Ultimately, Asuka hits the Hip Attack, sending Kong into the ropes. She comes back for a clothesline and Asuka hits a spin kick, putting Kong down.

1… 2… NOPE!

Joey – We were an atom of a moment from having a new Women’s Champion!

Asuka is frustrated, but she laughs in Kong’s face. Kong sits up and starts laughing too. They’re just having a fucking whale of a time, fighting each other. But it has to come to an end sometime. The WWE Universal Women’s Title must be decided. Asuka goes for another hip attack, but Kong snatches her out of the air and plants her with a German suplex! She goes to the top rope and hits the Amazing Press.

1… 2… 3!

Amazing Kong wins and retains the WWE Universal Women’s Championship!!

Score – 51 (oof)

 

Amazing Kong – 75

Asuka – 37

The Following Contest is for the Universal Tag Team Championships!

Introducing first the challengers…

Guerrillas of Destiny; Tama Tonga and Tonga Roa, make their Wrestlemania Debut here tonight. Carrying the Universal Tag Team title belt, despite not having actually won them, GoD swagger on down to the ring. They stole those belts after attacked the actual champions, reDragon, a couple of weeks ago on Raw and refused to give them back unless Kyle O’Reilly and Bobby Fish faced them for the titles here at Mania. They even went so far as to attack the proper challengers, Big Day, and put both Big Show and Kofi Kingston on the injured list.

GoD pose with the belts, but get caught short when reDragon make their entrance.

REDRAGON!

The true champions peg it to the ring and the match gets right under way. GoD attempt to bat reDragon with the titles, but they duck and superkick Tama and Tonga right out of the ring. The crowd are into it, getting Wrestlemania started with a couple of bangs.

GoD make their way back to the ring and beat up on the champs, slamming reDragon against the turnbuckles. O’Reilly and Fish respond to the brutality with their trademark technical offence.

Fish gets hit with Guerrilla Warfare, but survives a pin attempt. He escapes Tama Tonga to tag in Kyle O’Reilly, but his tank has run dry. He can barely stand, leaving O’Reilly to battle both of the Samoan bruisers, as GoD make quick tags in to keep up the pressure.

Kyle gets his head kicked in pillar to post, but manages to get to his corner for the tag, but Bobby Fish isn’t there. He’s on one knee on the outside of the ring, still reeling from the Guerrilla Warfare. O’Reilly is all alone. Facing both GoD, until the referee forces Tama Tonga out of the ring. Tonga Roa tries to complain, but he gets scooped up by Kyle O’Reilly in a vertical suplex, then gets a roundhouse kick in the back by Fish followed by a Brainbuster.

CHASING THE DRAGON!

Fish covers.

1… 2…

Tama breaks it up and saves this match for his team. He drops Fish with a hard clothesline, big boots O’Reilly off the apron and drags Tonga to the corner. He climbs out and gets the tag, climbs back in and smashes Fish with a Stun Gun off the middle rope.

Joey – Man, GoD really seem to have the Champions number here.

Regal – These two teams have never faced one another before, but GoD will be very familiar with both Kyle O’Reilly and Bobby Fish from their collective time in New Japan.

Mick – Yeah, and we’re going to see what New Japan have to offer tonight in that NWA Heavyweight Title rumble.

O’Reilly gets back in the ring and eats a Tongan Twist Rolling Cutter for his troubles. Tama kicks him back out of the ring and goes for the pin.

1… 2…

S O S

Tama breaks his own pin.

Joey – Where did that come from?

S O S

Tama yells at Tonga to keep his eyes peeled, but there’s no use peeling them because someone jumps out of the audience and kicks them across the Liberty Bowl.

 

Kofi Kingston!

Kofi’s not due to be medically cleared to compete here tonight after him and his tag team partner Big Show were attacked by GoD.

Kofi drops Tonga with the Trouble in Paradise. The referee, luckily, has been dealing with Kyle O’Reilly trying to get into the ring so he doesn’t see it. What he does see is Bobby Fish hitting the Flying Fish Hook on Tama Tonga.

1… 2… 3!

reDragon retain with the help of Kofi Kingston!

GoD get their shit together and go for Kofi, but reDragon rally up and the three of them stare down Guerrillas of Destiny.

Regal – Why are reDragon so happy to see their former number one contender?

Mick – They were looking forward to their Wrestlemania moment with WWE Veterans Kofi and Big Day, to cement reDragon’s legacy in the company. Instead GoD turn up and rob them of that chance, holding the Universal Tag Team Titles hostage.

GoD make their exit, the referee hands back the tag titles to reDragon and and they lift Kofi on their shoulders for the Wrestlemania crowd to chant KOFI at.

Score – 57

O’Reilly – 82

Fish – 77

Tama Tonga – 26

Tonga Roa – 36

10 man NWA World Heavyweight Championship Rumble match. 

Cole -“Ladies and gentleman! It’s time to get this show started! I’m here with my Smackdown Live broadcast colleagues JBL and Corey Graves, and we’re set to get this WrestleMania underway with one of the most innovative WrestleMania matches in history.. It’s the Inter-promotional NWA World Heavyweight Championship Rumble Match!

A video then plays hyping the heritage and prestige of the NWA World Heavyweight Championship. It highlights that it does not solely belong to one company, and it certainly doesn’t belong to the WWE. Which is why we’re here…

The special guest ring announcer for this one is match is the one and only. Howard Finkel. (Because it just felt right).

“Ladies and Gentleman, this next bout, is the 10 man over the top rope, Inter-promotional Rumble match for the NWA World Heavyweight Champiooonship

Introducing contestant number one. From St Louis Missouri, weighing at at 250 pounds, he is the current NWA World Heavyweight Champion… The Viper, Raaannndy Ortooooon.

JBL – “Orton in at number one Corey, who going to be number two?”

Graves – “I hesitate before guessing now John. If there’s anything I’ve learnt over the past few weeks. It’s to assume we’re always going to be shocked”.

Finkel – “And representing…… IMPACT WRESTLING……..”

………..

Cole – “OH MY GOD! Things are about to get extreme!

Cole – “Jeff Hardy is back in a WWE ring!”

Yes he is. And not since there epic rivalry in which Jeff hit a 30 foot Swanton from the stage set have these two locked up in the ring. Well. Jeff Hardy is number 2 and it’s set to go off!

And We’re underway!

Orton tries to remain the picture of confidence and experience, but I think few people expected someone of the pedigree of Jeff Hardy to show up here tonight. The crowd certainly didn’t, and they are fully in Jeffs corner. Both men lock up after Jeff has finished soaking up the adoration. Orton turns and loads up an early RKO. Jeff counters, Twist of fate attempt? Orton spins out of it again. Both men stare at eachother, Orton more in disgust than anything else. He lays a straight slap to the side of Jeff Hardys face, dropping him to one knee. Orton shouts “you don’t belong here anymore Jeff? Don’t you remember that?”To resounding boos from around the arena here in Orlando. He looks up and shouts at the crowd, but Jeff was only lying in wait…..

He grabs Orton by the trunks…… And throws him over the top rope!

RANDY ORTON HAS BEEN ELIMINATED.

Cole- “Orton is eliminated, Orton is eliminated! We are guaranteed a new NWA World Heavyweight Champion here tonight!”

JBL – “I don’t believe it! A punk Like Jeff hardy just comes in here and suckers Randy Orton like that, the WWE have just lost our main guy, we’re in trouble here! Come onnnnn Sheamus!”

10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1…

DUUUUUUUUUUUN

It’s not Sheamus, instead it’s the greatest man that ever lived. Austin Aries. Both Austin and Jeff obviously very familiar with each other after their mutual time spent in TNA. He heads down to the ring and passes what is an absolutely flabbergasted Randy Orton on the ramp. He was so confident heading into this match and now he’ll likely set a record for the least time spent in this match. Aries locks up with Jeff in the ring and they jostle around. Jeff hits a few of his classic moves on Aries. Aries catches a kick attempt and Jeff spins out with an inverted Mule kick, before opening his legs and hitting the drop down gut/bollock leg drop. Aries then rolls into the corner and Jeff aims for the turnbuckle drop kick. Aries is sly enough to duck the attempt however and Jeff goes careering into the Buckle post. Aries has enough time to get back to his feet before the countdown…

10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1…

DUUUUUUUUUUUN

Next up is a man with more to prove than probably anybody else in this match. The Bullet Clubs representative in this match.. Cody Rhodes.

Jeffs huddled in the corner so Cody goes at it with Aries. Aries ducks, dodges, and frankly makes Cody look a little silly, before laying utop the ropes in his trademark pose. Cody composes himself. Austin gets a bit to clever for his own good, and in continuing to dance around Cody, gets hit with a Beautiful Disaster kick.

Graves – “Right on the money from Rhodes!”

Jeffs back up and squares off with Rhodes… Cody gets the upper hand after hitting Jeff with one of Daddys staples, The bionic elbow. He then gets jointly whipped into the corner by Aries and Rhodes (who team up briefly), only for the alliance to end up with Jeff hitting Whisper in the wind, flooring both men!

JBL – “COME ON WWE! He’s making you look stupid out there!

Everyone is getting to their feet as the coutdown begins again….

10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1…

Finkel – “Representing Progress Wrestling………..”

DUUUUUUUUUUUN

Cole – “Oh Jesus”.

TOMMY END HAS ARRIVED AT WRESTLEMANIA!

All three men in the ring slowly rise to their feet to see this unfathomable animal head into the ring. Even if they don’t know who this man is, the sheer intensity he exudes is beyond explanation. End arrives in the ring, Jeff goes straight for the kickboxing champion… And gets fucking pummelled. Kick kick punch kick. Jeff goes down. End would have eliminated him but for Rhodes and Aries interruption. But they quickly fall to elbows, knee strikes, and headbutts. Tommy End is just stood in the middle of three kneeling men, taking turns at teeing off. End picks Aries as his vessel.. He eases him up with his foot. FADE TO BLACK. It hits so perfectly that it knocks Aries out of the ring. ARIES HAS BEEN ELIMINATED.

10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1…

DUUUUUUUUUUUN

10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1…

But here’s a man that won’t be afraid to go one on one with the Dutch striker. Hideo Itami! Hideo runs down the huge entrance ramp set-up here, and ducks a big boot attempt from End. He rebounds off the ropes and hits a massive Shotgun Kick. End has been dropped! Hideo looks up and motions for The Busaiki Knee Strike.. This could be lights out for End!…….

But Rhodes catches Hideo from behind mid run. CROSS RHODES!. Cody then turns into Jeff. TWIST OF FATE. But then Jeff turns into End. FADE TO BLACK AGAIN? No Jeff ducks the leg and grabs End from behind. REVERSE TWIST OF FATE! What a sequence. Jeff goes up high. SWANTON BOMB!  After a mental sequence all the men are down!

10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1…

Finkel – “Representing…  NEW JAPAN PRO WRESTLING”.

DUUUUUUUUUUUN

Corey – “Things literally couldn’t get any better”

JBL – “You traitor Corey.”

Ricochet has heeded the call from NJPW and heads to a ring filled with talent, but talent already down to their last few hit points. He goes straight for Jeff Hardy on entry, VERTIGO! Ricochet hits it! He then goes high. 630 SENTON! On the master of the Swanton Bomb!Jeff rolls to a degree of safety…. Somehow. Ricochet is forced to deal with Cody RHodes, but he can easily outpace and manoeuvre him at this juncture.. After some leapfrogs and Enzuguri’s… Rhodes ducks a kick attempt, leading Ricochet into kicking Hideo square in the chops. AND OVER THE TOP ROPE. HIDEO ITAMI HAS BEEN ELIMINATED….. We get to the next countdown

10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1…

DUUUUUUUUUUUN

JBL – “Business just went and picked up! Number 8 is none other than our best shot here. Sheamus!”

And indeed he is. Sheamus runs in and Brogues Rhodes’ head clean off. He then turns to face a defiant Ricochet, who gives him the duck, but then gets caught by The Celtic Cross Backbreaker. Sheamus poses with his arm out before seeing Jeff slowly make his way to his feet in the corner. As he sets up a Corner Brogue he gains the attention of a resurgent Tommy End, who catches him mid run and lights his chest red with slaps and kicks. End turns as Cody tries to pull himself up using his leg, but then turns back into a Snap Brogue kick. Sheamus then launches End into Jeff (who has taken a fucking hammering). Jeff and End are propelled onto the wrong side of the ring ropes but hold on. Sheamus then rebounds himself from the opposite ring ropes and hits an MAHOOSIVE DROPKICK. JEFF HARDY AND TOMMY END ARE BOTH ELIMINATED. Sheamus then gets back to his feet after hitting the first dropkick of his career to date. But gets hit himself with Beautifal Disaster by Rhodes! And Then Ricochet. STANDING HURRICARANA! Over the top rope! SHEAMUS HAS BEEN ELIMANTED!

Cole – “3 Eliminations in 10 seconds!”

Graves – “We only have two men left to arrive and we’re down to just Rhodes and Ricochet in the ring! Sheamus has gone, Orton has gone. Who on earth is next?”

10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1…

Finkel – Participant number 9….. Representing RING OF HONOUR

DUUUUUUUUUUUN

Graves – “YEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!”

JBL – “Please someone kill me”

Cole – “The Peacock has arrived! And he’s brought his boys!”

Dalton bloody Castle is here at WrestleMania, and you fucking bet your ass he’s brought his boys. More so than that, he has men carrying him on a platform. There is pyro and streamers. Dalton has the works. It’s so elaborate in fact that it actually takes about 3 minutes for Dalton to get into the ring. Rhodes and Ricochet have jostled amongst themselves for the time being. Eventually he does and Rhodes has no idea what to make of…. anything. He takes it as a joke, so his own detrriment, and gets an Everest Style German Suplex for his troubles.

We have one man left ladies and gentleman

10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1…

Finkel – Representing….. The WWE……. He is one half of the best of friends……

DUUUUUUUUUUUN

It’s another man with style. the MO in KO-MO is our number 10!

We have 4 men left! John Morrison, Dalton Castle, Ricochet, and Cody Rhodes. If you can believe that then you can believe anything. When Morrison gets into the ring he stands next to Rhodes. Castle stands with Ricochet. It’s WWE vs The Rest of The World here! They all go at it hammer and tong. Morrison and Ricochet are Irish Whipped by their respective foes and hit picture perfect side drop kicks to down Castle and Rhodes. They then show us an unbelievable sequence of ducking and dodging before Ricochet gets flung up in the air, and face plants Morrisons Knee. He’s dazed and falls into Dalton Castle’s arms…. And flung over the top rope! RICOCHET IS ELIMINATED. WE’RE DOWN TO THREE! Castle Smiles and turns around. Cody has gone to clothesline the ROH superstar after he eliminated Ricochet but Dalton ducks…Cody sends himself over but holds on… Until Morrison jumps (Jericho-esque), sends himself rebounding off the ropes and hits a knee to the side of the head! CODY RHODES is Eliminated. WE’RE DOWN TO TWO. EITHER JOHN MORRISON OR DALTON FUCKING CASTLE WILL BE NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!

After hitting that knee strike. Morrison expertly lands on that top rope. The guy is a super freak. He rebounds in one seamless movement, goes to 360, but Dalton ducks. Morrison turns. CODEBREAKER by DALTON CASTLE! Morrison is rocked! Dalton goes to send him over but Morrison is able to grab Daltons elaborate attire and take Dalton over with him. They both teeter on the edge…..

Until Dalton goes for it all! He loses his mind and tries to hit a second Codebreaker on the outside of the ring. BUT MORRISON PUSHES HIM AWAY AT THE POINT OF CONTACT! DALTON HITS THE FLOOR!

JOHN MORRISON IS YOUR NEW NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!

 

Graves – “I can’t believe it! John Morrison wins the biggest match of his life!”

Cole – “What a match, What a concept” What a way to start the show for Smackdown!”

JBL – ” I hope backstage somewhere Kevin Owens is happy because that put me through the ringer. We nearly lost the NWA title so many times! Never again guys. come on.

Score – 78

No individual scores on this one because there’s too many participants, but the performance of John Morrison stood out as good. 

EU Title Fatal 5Way Elimination Match

Joey – Welcome back to Raw Ladies and Gentlemen, I am still Joey Styles along with William Regal and the Hardcore Legend Mick Foley, delighted to be calling Wrestlemania for the flagship brand in the WWE.

Next is a match cemented just last week on Monday Night. We got a huge shock a couple of weeks ago when, put into a title match with Rusev by acting GM John Cena, Jay Lethal lost his European Title to the Bulgarian Brute Rusev. The following week, then GM Daniel Bryan added Lethal to this Mania match, along with Stixx, Jey Fatu and Samoa Joe, to make it a Fatal 5Way Elimination match!

Rusev’s manager Jake Roberts brokered a deal whereby Rusev would give up his spot in the IC Title Ladder Match in exchange for immunity for Jake and his clients from the upcoming WWE Superstar Draft. Rusev was of course replaced by a debuting Finn Balor in that match, which is still to come here tonight.

Introducing first…

He is a former European Champion, residing in Nottingham England, weighing in at 235lbs, he is the Heavyweight House of Pain… Stixx!

And from The Isle of Samoa, weighing in at 228 lbs, The Good Brother Jey Fatu!

And also from The Isle of Samoa, weighing in at 282lbs, The Samoan Submission Machine, Samoa Joe!

The former European Champion, formerly of The Gilded, formerly of Cenation, from Tampa Bay Florida and weighing in at 215 lbs… Jay Lethal!

Lethal looks pretty battered still. There’s rock tape on his shoulder and back, but when he comes out the crowd actually get behind him a little bit, which surprises him. He gives them a quick Black Machismo pose and they love it.

And the European Champion… accompanied to the ring by WWE Hall of Famer Jake “The Snake” Roberts, from Plovdiv Bulgaria, weighing in at 138 kg, The Bulgarian Brute… RUSEV!

Rusev rides through the entrance on standing on the bonnet of a military jeep, driven by Jake The Snake Roberts. He has two flags, one for Bulgarian and one for Europe. Around his waist, the European Title belt.

The jeep drives right up the ring and Rusev steps off the bonnet onto the apron, and Jake kills the engine and climbs out himself. Rusev hands Jake the title, who in turn hands it to the ref.

The following match is a Fatal 5way Elimination Match! If a competitor is pinned or submits, they are eliminated from the match. The final fall, once all but two competitors are eliminated, will decide the holder of the European Title.

DING DING DING!

Lethal heads right for Rusev, showing no fear, but he’s grabbed from behind by Samoa Joe who immediately hits the Muscle Buster! Lethal crumples like a busted deck chair, and Samoa Joe pins him for a 1… 2…

NOPE!

Consequences Creed is at ringside and he grabs Lethal’s leg and puts it on the ropes, yelling for ref to stop the count!

What the hell is Creed doing out here, and why is he helping Lethal?

Joe is pretty pissed off and he grabs for Creed, but Stixx has had enough fucking around and grabs Joe around the waist, arching back and planting the Samoan Wrestling Machine with a belly to back suplex!

Joey – Oh my! I don’t think I’ve ever seen Samoa Joe manhandled like that!

Mick – Well they don’t call him the Heavyweight House of Pain for no reason Joey. Stixx is legit.

Stixx stays on Joe, keeping him grounded with some British Strong Style grappling. The Good Brother Jey Fatu finds himself in a tie up with champion Rusev, and he fires off into the ropes and comes back strong with a crossbody. Rusev catches him, but Fatu swings his legs around Rusev’s back and pulls him down for a crucifix pin.

1… 2…

KICK OUT!

Both men are up right away and go for super kicks, kicking each other’s legs out of the air. Creed is trying to wake Lethal up at ringside as the ref notices he’s out there and starts to count him out.

1… 2… 3… 4…

Creed reluctantly picks Lethal up and rolls him into the ring. This stops the count, but he’s helpless in there. Joe goes for Lethal again, but is headed off by Stixx once more. The two behemoths knock lumps off each other, and Joe looks like he might have actually met his match this time, until Fatu hits Stixx in the back of the head with a roundhouse kick, sending the big man to his knees.

Jey hits a shining wizard and goes for the pin, but Samoa Joe deadlifts him off and hits a Samoan Drop.

He pins Stixx for the 1… 2… 3!

STIXX HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!

Joe pins Jey.

1… 2… KICK OUT!

Jey Fatu is still alive! Rusev has noticed Lethal, and is trying to pull him up but Creed has Lethal’s feet and is desperately trying to keep him on the ground.

Joey – This is ludicrous! They’re having a tug of war with the former European Champion!

Jake Roberts has had enough, and he runs over and punches Creed in the head, causing him to let go. Lethal is on his feet, and Rusev hits a rough clothesline to knock him back on his arse.

Joe fights Fatu, Rusev batters Lethal until Lethal hits the Enziguri on Rusev! The champion staggers right into a superkick from Jey Fatu and over the top rope, stumbling off the apron onto the bonnet of the jeep.

Fatu and Lethal look at each other, then at Samoa Joe.

SUPERKICK PARTY!

A double superkick to Samoa Joe!

The alliance doesn’t last long as Lethal dives forward, handspring off the ropes and BANG! LETHAL INJECTION!

1… 2… 3!

JEY FATU HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!

The crowd pop pretty big, getting behind Lethal. Creed is banging on the apron, cheering Lethal on. Jay is still hurt, and confused about why Creed is out here, but the crowd and Creed start to energise him. He sees Rusev struggling to his feet on the jeep.

Lethal runs back, bounces off the ropes and launches himself over the top rope…

Rusev catches him! NO! NO! NO!

Rusev swings Jay round and side slams him right through the windscreen. Glass goes everywhere, Lethal disappears into the destruction.

HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!

Creed runs to the jeep and tries the door, but it’s locked. The ref starts to count.

1…

2…

Creed pulls at the door.

3…

4…

Jake Roberts appears, jingling the keys and laughing.

5…

Creed rushes for the keys.

6…

Jake and Creed are tussling around, Creed trying to pry the keys out of the vice grip of Jake’s hands.

7…

He’s got them! Creed is up and he races for the jeep door!

8…

He unlocks it and dives inside, grabbing Lethal by the shoulders and pulling him out. He is covered in wet blood and completely knocked out.

9…

Creed drags him out of the jeep towards the ring. He lifts him up onto the apron.

10!

Too late.

JAY LETHAL HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!

As EMT’s rush down to get Lethal on a stretcher, Roberts laughs his fucking head off at ringside.

Were left with two men. Rusev versus Samoa Joe! Here we go!

Powerful moves are exchanged, with neither man staying down for long. This thing has turned into a brawl. DRAGON SUPLEX from Joe, SPINNING WHEEL KICK from Rusev, SAMOAN DROP!

FALLAWAY SLAM!

The ring shakes from the impact of every move, until Joe spins around Rusev and locks in the Coquina Clutch! CLUTCH ON RUSEV!

The Champion struggles at first, but quickly starts to fade. The toll of this match plus the strength of the submission wear Rusev down to one knee. He is never going to tap, but he might just pass out! He’s fading!

The Snake yells at Rusev to wake it up, but he’s not getting through. Then he has an idea. Roberts runs to the jeep, jumps through the open door and slams his fist on the horn.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!

Rusev’s eyes snap open!

BEEEEP BEEEP BEEEP BEEEP!!!

The Snake hammers on the jeep horn over and over and over again, keeping Rusev alert. The European Champion snarls, balls his fists and plants his feet to the mat, pushing against the weight of Samoa Joe to get back to his feet. He shoves Joe back into the ropes and uses the return momentum to lift Joe up and into a Samoan Drop! Joe is down. Rusev is live!

MACHKA KICK to the back of Joe’s head! He’s knocked for a loop. Rusev drags him up, kicks him in the back and slaps on the ACCOLADE!

ACCOLADE APPLIED!

Joe is fighting, but Rusev sticks his foot in the small of his back and pulls hard on the hold. Joe has no choice but to tap out.

DING DING DING!

SAMOA JOE HAS TAPPED OUT.

The winner of this match, and STILL your European Champion!

RUSEV!

Jake rags on the horn as Rusev is returned the European Title belt and raises it up!

RUSEV UDRYA! RUSEV MACHKA! RUSEV WINS!

Mick – Can we get some information on Jay Lethal? What’s going on back there?

Joey – Well the headline is Rusev retains the European title, but more pressingly you’re right Mick, an already injured Jay Lethal put through that windscreen here and taken by EMTs for emergency treatment. We’ll give you an update on his condition as soon we hear something.

Score – 79

 

Rusev – 76

Jay Lethal – 86

Stixx – 79

Jey Fatu – 60

Samoa Joe – 71

Cole – “Ladies and gentleman welcome back to the Smackdown side of WrestleMania. If you though the NWA Rumble was spectacle enough, next up for us…

Cruiserweight Title Match

Cole – Best friends turned enemies. Kota Ibushi defends his Cruiserweight crown against Adrian Neville in a potentially career defining bout for these two proud men”.

A video package then plays showing Kota and Adrian’s rise through the division together, before Kota grabbed the brass ring and pinned Dolph Ziggler for the title on CWC. They then join forces to take on AmericA, but their ultimate defeat in that feud, coupled with the pressure that Neville feels on his shoulders, lead the Englishman to breaking point…

(I mean Ibushi is dope n all, but his choice of pictures is fucking shocking)

ANYWAY. HERE WE GO!

Neville has transitioned fully into badass sinister heel Neville. He’s all snarls and hisses. Kota is his usually plucky self but as they lock up, Neville’s style seems to be completely different to what Kota is use to. Neville avoids using the basic moves that Kota knows, keeping him one step ahead. Kota continues to find reading the Geordie difficult, as Neville takes the upper hand after baseball sliding under an Ibushi kick, grabbing him around the waist and hitting a picture perfect German. He takes his time, and repeats with an array of different Suplex’s.. German, Northern Lights, Snap, then even a Tiger Suplex. Each move is separated out with some quick kick combinations to a downed Kota. Currently, Kota doesn’t have an answer.

That’s until Neville decides to go up high. He gets into the moonsault position and see’s the crowd boo. He shouts at them back, and takes too long. Kota jumps up to the top turnbuckle in one swift move! SUPER GERMAN! COVER BY KOTA….1….2…… KICK OUT. Neville’s rocking. Kota follows it up with kicks and chops. Neville eventually has the fight to come back. Strike after strike hits, until once again Kota misreads New-Neville and takes his own variation of a stiff roundhouse! Kota is down! Neville is going for the Red Arrow! He goes up high but the crowd boo him again. Neville looks around, assesses and JUMPS DOWN!

JBL – “What are doing Neville, Hit you damn finisher!”

Neville instead deprives the WWE Universe of what they want to see. The Red Arrow, and goes to lock in The Rings of Saturn, but he’s taken too much time! Kota wiggles through his arms, and from an almost seated position flips Neville all the way round. PHOENIXPLEX! Neville is out. Kota does go up high. GOLDEN STAR PRESS!

1….2……..3!

KOTA IBUSHI RETAINS!

Cole – “If Neville didn’t hate the WWE Universe enough to being with tonight, then he’s going to loathe them now.”

Graves – “That may be the case. But this is on Neville. He had the match won, but his own ego prevented him from hitting one of the most devastating finishing moves in this company”.

Score – 60

Kota – 62

Neville – 64.

BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!!!

The following contest is a Falls Count Anywhere match! Introducing first, from Winnipeg Manitoba Canada… he is the GOAT.

CHRIS JERICHLEEEEEEES!

Joey – Well Jericho and Shelton Benjamin have had issues since the minute Jericho returned to the WWE at the Rumble this year. Both claiming to be the Greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time. Shelton cost Jericho his chance to get in the Ladder match tonight, and in return Jericho cost Shelton, so to put this to bed we’re gonna have a Falls Count Anywhere match here in the massive Liberty Bowl arena!

AINT NO STOPPING ME NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

And introducing next, from Orangeburg, South Cackalacky…Shelton Benjamin!

Shelty B in the Liberty Bowl, and the crowd fucking love it. This one could be a technical masterclass or a rough as glass paper brawl. These men have the capacity for both.

DING DING DING!

Here we go.

Jericho gets right into with a bulldog off the ropes, draping Shelton over the second rope. Shelton low bridges and sends Jericho to the outside. Didn’t take long before we ended up on the mats here tonight. They battle back and forth, trading forearms, but Jericho gets the upper hand and whips Shelton into the turnbuckle. Y2J tries the same trick but Shelton reverse and whips Jericho into the steel steps! This is getting dangerous right off the bat.

They fight up the ramp, which is well long, until they reach the massive main stage of Wrestlemania!

Shelton runs at Jericho, who drops down. Shelton steps over him, Jericho is back up and charges, Shelton leap frogs him and drops Jericho with a deep arm drag. he keeps it locked and bends Jericho’s arm back, lifting him to his feet and twisting at the elbow of Jericho and suddenly we’re in a wrestling match on the set here.

Jericho and Shelton put each other through a mat wrestling clinic up there, stretching one another and working the joints. Reversing, keeping each other as grounded as possible. Jericho breaks out, shoulder blocks Shelton down to the grates and runs, jumps, lands both feet on the middle of the first A in Mania and hits Shelton with the Lionsault!

1.. 2.. SHOULDER UP!

Shelton is up, attacking Jericho’s ribs and abdomen. Great technical sense from Benjamin, as the Lionsault took something out of Jericho’s tank. Benjamin stretches Jericho over his knee, Jericho rolls out but Shelton jumps and lands both knees hard into his midsection, snatching Jericho with an armbar and digging that knee into his ribs.

Jericho gets to his feet with some difficulty, then slaps Benjamin in the face and calls him an idiot.

Shelton goes for an uppercut, Jericho ducks it, locks up with Shelton and goes a suplex, but there’s just not enough strength left in his core. He lets Shelton back to his feet, still tied up, Shelton goes for a suplex of his own but Jericho floats over, lands on his feet and hits a neckbreaker on Shelton.

Chris puts some distance between himself and Shelton, trying to get some respite.

Gradually both men get to their feet, standing at opposite ends of the word WRESTLEMANIA. Chris at the W, Shelton at the A.

They race toward one another, meeting at the L as Jericho jumps with both knees in the air for the CODEBREAKER!

But Shelton catches him! The strength of Shelton Benjamin plucking Chris Jericho out of the air, he unfolds Jericho upside down….

THE WALLS! SHELTON BENJAMIN HAS JERICHO IN THE WALLS!

Will he tap? Can Shelton make Jericho tap to his own submission? Jericho’s ribs and midsection must be in agony right now!

Shelton stands up straighter, digs a knee into Jericho’s back and the Walls of Jericho turns into a Liontamer and Chris Jericho has no choice but to tap out!

Shelton Benjamin beats Chris Jericho here at Wrestlemania 33!

Score – 82

Jericho – 79

Shelton – 87

Graves – “As a man appreciates friendships in this business, I have the pleasure of introducing Smackdown’s next bout… And it’s a doozey.”

Graves – “The defender of friendships, former NXT and intercontinental champion finally goes one on one with his nemesis. The Beast, The Conqueror. Brock Lesnar.

The video for this one shows Kevin Owens and John Morrisons friendship blossom from unlikely beginnings. Once they had no affinity toward one another at all. The phrase KO-MO was originally just a mock-up by Kevin Owens. Each week would pass in the run up to the Rumble, where each man would trade wins, shake hands, and then eventually hit the other with their finisher. That was until Brock Lesnar became a common threat. Eventually Kevin Owens and John Morrison grew to be as close as brothers, and when Lesnar took exception to their meddling, he systematically destroyed JO-MO in the Elimination Chamber. This has lead to this bout. And a chance for Kevin Owens to be the first man since Seth Rollins to pin Brock Lesnar.

THE PRIZEFIGHTER will never again receive such a massive opportunity at such a massive prize.

But then again, this prize fights back.

Before the bell goes the crowd is fucking nuclear for KO. KO hasn’t had a WWE crowd on his side this much…. Well, ever. He turns around and soaks it in, but When The Beast arrives you can’t afford to focus elsewhere…

Ding ding ding.

Off we go and Brock is straight out of the gates! He lifts Owens up like a baby and drives him into the corner! This one might not be take long! He drives his shoulders into his chest. KO is pinned in the corner! Brock eventually steps back and laughs BRIEFLY. But then there’s Kevin Owens right back into The Beasts face. He connects with some punches before rebounding off the ropes.. LESNAR CATCHES HIM ON HIS SHOULDERS! F5!!?? He spins the big man around but Owens lands on his feet. Brock turns to face his man, he can’t really believe Owens managed to just spin out of the F5. Then for the second time in this rivarly, Owens provokes The Beast.

Enjoying his moment, KO flips Brock off right there in the middle of the ring.

The Crowd explode, but so does Lesnar. GERMAN (1). Brock Laughs. GERMAN (2). Brock laughs again. Brock hits 7 of these in a row and shouts at KO to flip him off again. He hoists him on his shoulders. F5!

COVER…1………2………..THR..

OWENS KICKS OUT!

Lesnar grimaces but turns it around into a sly smile, almost giving Owens his due. He heads back into his corner. Waiting for Owens to rise to his feet. Eventually he does and he hoiks him back onto his shoulders. Owens fights out of it though with knees and elbows and drops Lesnar to one knee. SUPERKICK! Owens lays into The Beast. He’s rocking for the first time in this match. He doesn’t go for the cover, he knows it’s too early. Lesnar’s up quick, and Owens hits a German of his own! THEN ANOTHER!

Cole – “Has anyone ever German’d Lesnar like that before?”

Lesnars like a baby giraffe! He comes back towards Owens….

POP – UP POWERBOMB!!!!!!!! OWENS HITS IT! 1…………..2……………

LESNAR KICKS OUT! JUST!

New NWA World Heavyweight Champion John Morrison has bust his his ass down the ramp to get to ringside. He pleads to Owens to carry on fighting. Owens see’s his friend and re-focuses… He goes up top! Bullfrog Splash maybe?? Nope!

FUCKING MOONSAULT?

Graves – “A guy like Kevin Owens shouldn’t be able to do that! I can’t even do that!”

But Lesnar moves out of the way? 1 unnecessary risk too many? Morrison refuses to see his friend come to anymore harm. He gets into the ring but gets hit with an F5! Lesnar then turns into Owens.

MOONLIGHT DRIVE FROM OWENS! WHAT AN APT WAY FOR THIS TO END. OWENS COVERS!

1….2

LESNAR KICKS OUT! THE GUYS A FUCKING FREAKSHOW. Owens is inconsolable. He pleads with the referee, But Lesnar heals quicker than most men

F5….!

1…….2……..

3!

Brock Lesnar has beaten Kevin Owens in an action packed affair. He takes his leave fairly quickly, leaving Morrison and Owens to tend to eachother in the ring. Owens gave it everything here tonight, but at the end of the day Brock Lesnar is just an anomaly. Who or what does Brock have his eye on next? Who knows. But I certainly wouldn’t want to stand in his was.”

Score – 80

KO – 95

Lesnar – 92

Joey – Well that was a stormer Mick and William.

William – Absolute belter Joey. Brock Lesnar and Kevin Owens are two massive stars. That was terrific. My sort of match.

Mick – Well this next one is MY sort of match. ECW Title, House of Fun!

ECW House of Fun Title Match

Goldust is convinced that acquiring the ECW title will fix his shattered mind. Since he lost the belt, which was the Hardcore title at the time, things have gone straight down hill. He was already on the tenuous side of sane before stepping into Hell in a Cell with Kane, a match that fundamentally changed both of their mindsets. Kane obviously went on a rampage, now determined to burn out the disease in the WWE starting maybe tonight with Christian, whereas Goldust turned into the Awakened pain freak that is obsessed with getting hurt. He wants that belt to “wake up” and toniht is his final opportunity against the Rated ECW Super star Edge, in a match he calls the House of Fun.

Mick – The House of Fun is a match invented by former ECW Champion Raven. Weapons are suspended from poles around the ring and basically, everything goes. Grab something, hit your opponent with it until they stop getting up.

William – Doesn’t like like much fun.

Mick – Does to me.

Introducing first, the challenger… from Hollywood, the Awakened One, Goldust!

At Wrestlemania, Goldust rocked up with weapons taped all over his body, but there’s no need for that tonight because around the ring are 8 poles; one on each turnbuckle and one at centre ropes. Hanging from these poles are the following international objects…

Steel Chair

Kendo Stick

Handcuffs

Barbed Wire 2×4

Sand Bag

Nunchucks

Brass Knuckles

The pole in the Heel corner is empty.

Because it’s waiting for the heel. The Rated ECW Superstar Edge makes his 11th appearance at Wrestlemania, and he enters here at the ECW Champion for the first time in his career.

He gets to the ring, hands over the ECW Title which the referee then hangs from the empty pole.

Mick – I guess the title IS a weapon.

Joey – Well Mick, it’s the ECW title.

Mick – Fair point.

Edge doesn’t look freaked out or anxious, as he did before his match with Goldust at Lockdown. He looks ready. Ready for the fight of his life. He looks like the ECW Champion.

Goldust lies on his stomach on the mat, looking up at Edge and growling, because he’s mad.

With the belt fixed to the pole, the ref separates Goldust and Edge into their corners, then rings the bell. Edge reaches behind him and pulls down the steel chair. Armed and ready. Goldust stomps the mat and screams E-C-W before charging hard at Edge, who twats him in the face with the chair as has as he fucking can. Goldie goes down and Edge can barely believe it. He looks at Goldust on the mat, flat out, then at the dented chair with gold make-up smeared across it and shrugs. He goes for the pin…

Goldust very slowly sits up and looks Edge square in the eyes. Then he starts giggling. Then he starts crying. Then he’s giggling again. Edge starts to back up.

Joey – Edge just wailed Goldust with that chair with everything he had and Goldust just sat right up.

Mick – This has been building up for Goldust for months now. He’s running on pure adrenaline.

Regal – Plus he’s bloody mental.

Edge picks up the chair and swings it, but Goldust flattens out and it sails right over him. He rolls out of the ring to the floor and pulls out a table. The crowd chant for E C DUB! Goldust sets up the table but Edge hits the Spear clear across the outside to the guard barrier.

Goldust grabs a fan’s WM33 Big Gulp and dashes it in Edge’s eyes, then digs into his suit and pulls out a few crumpled sweaty dollars and offers them to the fan. The fans takes them, but they’re pretty gross. Edge gets the Mountain Dew out of his eyes just in time to see himself get hit with Shattered Dreams, which you may recall is a kick to the nutbag. He drops like an iron crow and Goldust jumps in the ring to grab the handcuffs! Edge gets right out of dodge, wanting to avoid those cuffs at all costs so he doesn’t wind up in the same situation as he did at the Rumble. He sprints around the ring, slides in and manages to pluck the barbed wire 2×4 down the its pole.

Mick – Ah, the old Foley Special.

Joey – Remember when you and Edge were both Hardcore champion?

Mick – No. But then I don’t remember much, chiefly because of matches like this one.

Edge smashes the barbed wire plank across Goldust’s back, pulling it away with a few shredded bits of latex suit and some skin stuck to the barbs. Goldust is screaming in pain but there’s a smile on his face.

Edge swings the bat again and hits him in the guts, ripping away more suit and more skin. He goes for another whack, but Goldust catches it barbs first. He grips it with both hands, sharp wire digging through his gloves into his palms, and he refuses to let go. Glaring at Edge, laughing and crying in his face. Edge doesn’t want none, so he lets go of the bat and drops Goldie with a slingblade neckbreaker.

The Rated ECW Superstar rolls out and grabs the table, sliding it back in and setting it up in the corner. Goldust is up, blood on the mat where he landed, and Edge panic. He grabs the closest weapon; the sandbag, and lumps Goldust in the face with it. The bag splits open and hundreds of gold thumb tacks pour out in a shower, covering the floor and the table.

Joey – Thumb tacks!

Mick – Now we’re getting somewhere.

Goldust is up again, swinging those handcuffs around over his head.  Edge is getting in all the offense and still fighting for his life here. Goldust is just impervious to pain.

SPEAR! Edge Spears Goldust in half and the handcuffs go spinning off out of the ring and into the crowd somewhere.

1… 2… Kick out!

When Edge gets off Goldust, there’s blood on his chest. Goldust’s blood. Edge wipes it away and gets that mad look in his eyes. He pulls down the ECW Title; the object of Goldust’s mad desires. Holding it up over his head like he retained it already, Edge chants E-C-W at Goldust over and over again. Goldie starts to freak out; his hands over his ears, screaming

NO! at the top of his lungs.

Edge waffles him with the title belt, sending Goldust staggering back and bouncing off the ropes. Edge puts the belt over his shoulder and hits another Spear!

Spear with the title belt right to Goldust’s midsection. But he doesn’t go for the pin. He tosses the belt aside into the puddle of tacks, then goes to work kicking the fuck out of Goldust on the mat. Edge goes for the brass knucks, and while he’s up on the turnbuckle untying them Goldust starts to crawl on his belly toward the title belt. He just wants to touch it. To get his hands on it. He’s crawling over the thumb tacks like they’re not even there.

He reaches out for the belt, but Edge comes off the turnbuckle and lands knee first into Goldust’s back. When Goldust gets up there are like 80 thumb tacks sticking in him, falling off like confetti when he moves. Edge can’t believe he’s even standing. He charges for a Spear, Goldust dodges and Edge almost puts himself face first into the edge of the table. He stops short, turns around and gets hoisted over Goldust’s shoulders in a fireman’s carry, then drops forehead first into his knee.

GO TO SLEEP!

Goldust just hit the Go To Sleep!

Edge is out. Goldust picks Edge up, wobbly legged, and screams WAKE ME UP in his face then powerbombs him through the thumb tack covered table.

Joey – OH MY GOD!

1… 2… 3!

GOLDUST IS THE ECW CHAMPION!

EMT’s run down to start mopping up blood and checking on Edge while the ref extracts the ECW Title from the tacks, before it’s snatched out of his hands by Goldust. The Awakened

One stares at the belt, finally his, and falls to his knees.

Mick – Well he did. Goldust is finally the ECW Champion.

He shuts his eyes, opens them again, and then gets this weird look on his face. He tries it again, shutting him eyes. But whenever he thinks is going to happen isn’t working. He throws a massive shit fit, screaming WAKE ME UP over and over and over, smashing himself in the face with the massive silver title plate.

Joey – Oh… looks like getting the title back hasn’t had the effect Goldust wanted.

He looks completely lost, getting up and just letting the belt fall out of his hands before sadly walking off to the back and leaving it in the middle of the ring covered in tacks and splinters of table.

Regal – What happens now?

Joey – No idea. If he doesn’t want the title does Edge just get it back?

Mick – Edge lost the match and the title. It belongs to Goldust, but he just left it there. Where’s Paul?

Joey – He’s in the arena somewhere. There must be some sort of plan for this right?

Mick – Who knows Joey. Newly crowned champions don’t usually abandon their belts the second they win them.

Score – 75

Goldust – 73

Edge – 82

Cole – “Welcome back ladies and gentleman, and it’s hard to not use the tagline ‘fantasy warfare just got real’ because Smackdowns next bout is exactly that..

WWE World Tag Team Title Match

It’s a match the world isn’t ready for. The two most dominant stables in the world battle for the right to be called the best. WWE Tag Team titles are on the line in an innovative 3-bird match up. The Shield take on Bullet Club. Next.

The pre match video starts us off looking at the trials that The Shield’s members have put themselves through this year. Asylum matches. WWE Championship reigns for Ambrose and Rollins, a heel turn for Roman… They spent the entire calendar year drawing eachothers blood…. Then AJ Styles debuted at The Royal Rumble…… And changed everything. Ambrose became the apostle in this time, leaving Rollins and Reigns to take on all comers. At Elimination Chamber The Bullet Club ran wild, systematically beating ‘the apostle’ out of Dean Ambrose, and sending Rollins down with him. The three members of The Shield may not even want to really stand together, but this is a battle born of necessity. Only one faction will survive this one.

Savour this……

SIERRA, HOTEL, INDIGO, ECHO, LIMA, DELTA

JBL – “All 3 of these men are already former WWE Champions. Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins holding the belt between them for almost all of the past Kernowverse year… They’re my favourites.”

Graves – “But here are my picks. Gallows and Anderson are not cronies. They have ruled the Smackdown tag team division all year. Even before the arrival of AJ Styles at The Rumble this year they were dominant, but now they’re confident beside one of the best wrestlers on the planet…. If anyone can beat The Shield. It’s these guys”.

This match is contested under tornado rules, so all 6 men size each other up in the ring.

Ding ding ding. 

ROMAN REIGNS SPEAR!!! TO AJ STYLES! Straight out of the gates. Rollins and Ambrose lay into Anderson and Gallows. The Club totally caught off guard at the beginning of this match up. Gallows pushes Rollins off and connects with a Brogue kick esque boot to a running Reigns, who was going for a second Spear. He then turns into Ambrose who cuts him down to size before DIRTY DEEDS! Anderson hoiks Ambrose on his Shoulders to hit the GUN STUN, Before Rollins grabs Anderson and V triggers him in the head. He goes for a cover but only gets 2, then tries to cover the other members of The Club, but is unsuccessful.

All 6 men battle in sequence throughout the match. Gallows and Anderson hit a Boot of doom after Gallows caught Rollins flying through the air. Styles counters a release suplex from Rollins by landing on his feet, following it up with a Pele. Reigns SPEARS Gallows through the barrier and into JoJo’s area. And Rollins hits Gods Last Gift on Styles for a cheap mark pop. All of this action leads to the inevitable moment that all 3 men of The Shield are outside of the ring with Karl Anderson in their clutches.

Reigns calls for it. Ambrose and Rollins give him it… TRIPLE POWERBOMB. Through the German Announce table! Anderson has been broken in two! The Shield stand tall and head back into the ring. Sizing up Styles….. The three men surround the leader of The Club… Who looks all so alone at this juncture .. Styles turns and sees Ambrose, then changes direction to see Rollins… Then turns to see Reigns. He’s a rabbit in the headlights!. Reigns goes “OOOOAAHHHHH”. It’s Spear time!….

BUT GALLOWS TO THE RESCUE. He literally plucks Styles out of the air as Reigns was mid run. He barges himself and Styles to safety, Reigns can’t stop in time, and he spears Dean Ambrose who was standing behind Styles!

Reigns is shocked. Ambrose is broken in two. Rollins tries to help Reigns regain focus.. But both men have been distracted for too long… They turn into Gallows who hits a double clothesline, before Styles springboards, manages to grab both men by the heads.. DOUBLE SPRINGBOARD DDT! THE SHIELD ARE DOWN! Rollins roles out. Ambrose has rolled out. It’s only Reigns in the ring.

Gallows calls for Styles’s help….. MAGIC KILLER! STYLES AND GALLOWS HIT IT ON REIGNS!

1

2

3!

THE BULLET CLUB HAVE BEATEN THE SHIELD!

The Bullet Club beat The Shield. Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows have retained the WWE Tag Team Championships here tonight, but that was largely down to the innovative offence of AJ Styles, and an over eager Roman Reigns that ultimately made the difference tonight.

What could this mean for The Shield boys? Is this it? Are The Bullet Club… Unstoppable?

Score – 82

Reigns – 79

Ambrose – 80

Anderson – 78

Gallows – 77

AJ – 80

Christian v Kane Inferno Match

The following contest is an INFERNO MATCH! When both superstars have entered the ring, all three ropes will be set on fire. The only way to win the match is to set your opponent alight.

Introducing first… from Ontario Canada, CHRISTIAN!

And here he comes. The former World Heavyweight Champion, who got himself into this mess by getting on the wrong side of Paul Heyman, and by leading The Gilded for the best part of a year and being one of the root causes of the disease Kane says is infecting the WWE.

BOOM!

The Cure by Fire, Kane! He has promised to burn the cancer out this company, starting he says with Christian here tonight.

Fire spreads down both sides of the ramp as Kane makes his way to the ring, like it’s following him down. When he steps over the ropes he points at Christian, raises his arms and drops them, exploding the turnbuckles with pyro and setting the ropes ablaze.

Joey – You’ll notice there’s no referee in the ring for this match.

Regal – Could we not find one willing to do it?

Joey – Nope.

A couple of refs circle the ring with fire extinguishers, but that’s the extent of their authority for this one.

Christian is stuck between burning ropes and the anger of Kane, with nowhere to go. He elects to kick Kane in the knees, trying to take him down. It doesn’t happen, and Kane uppercuts Christian in the throat. He falls back, singeing the top of his head on the fire. It doesn’t set light to his hair though, and sadly for Christian this match continues.

Christian does everything he can to stagger the Big Red Machine toward the ropes, but the power of Kane is not easy to overcome and every attempt ends with him being knocked back towards the ropes and certain doom.

Joey – If Christian still had The Gilded with him, they’d be out here now throwing him weapons or at least a bucket of water.

Mick – He can’t even rely on Edge for help after that ECW title match. He’s in the back having a few hundred tacks removed from every part of his body.

Christian tries to whip Kane into the ropes, but Kane pulls him back into a goozle, lifting him up and pointing him at the fiery ropes.

Joey – This cannot be good for Christian!

Before he gets chokeslammed into an inferno, Christian punches Kane in the eye and gets loose. He kicks the big man in the back of the knees, sending him down, then tries to push his face into the fire. Kane roars and powers out, but get a dropkick in the face for his troubles. He narrowly misses the fire and sits bolt upright. Christian hits a running knee to put him back down, but that’s going to win him this match.

He starts rolling Kane towards the ropes, but he’s 300+ pounds so it’s not exactly easy going. Kane chops him in the neck and gets to his feet, grabbing Christian around throat and hauling him up for a the chokeslam into the fire. He takes his time, dangling Christian over the flames, but he waits too long. Christian stamps on Kane’s knee once. Twice. The third time it buckles and Kane drops him. Christian wraps Kane up and BAM! KILLSWITCH!

There’s no pinfall in this match, and Christian obviously can’t just pick Kane up and put him on the ropes. He reaches into his tights and pulls out a bottle.

Joey – What the hell is that?

Regal – Water probably. Even in the middle of the ring the temperature must be near roasting.

Christian squirts the contents of the bottle all over Kane, then pulls off one of his elbow bands and holds it into the fire until it catches light.

Kane sits up, glaring daggers into Christian’s eyes, but the former WHW Champ tosses the burning elbow pad at Kane’s chest and suddenly the Big Red Machine is big and red for another reason.

He goes up like the fucking sun in a ball of flame so big Christian has to step back to avoid it.

Mick – Jesus Christ, that wasn’t water! It was lighter fluid!

The refs quickly put out the ropes so they can get into the ring as Kane rolls around on the mat, blazing away. Four guys empty their extinguishers on Kane before the fire is finally out, and the monster lies in the middle of the ring covered head to toe in chalky powder, smoke still rising off him. Christian looks incredibly relieved, pushing past the EMTs to get out of the ring.

Joey – Well Christian has won this match here, but the bigger story is the condition of Kane.

Regal – He went up like a frigging Christmas Tree.

Mick – There’s got to be some serious 3rd degree burns we’re looking at here. Kane’s a tough son of a bitch, and obviously he’s dealt with fire before, but never to this extent.

Christian is dousing himself with bottles of water on the outside when Kane sits up. Christian’s face loses all colour and he turns and runs the fuck out of dodge.

Mick – How the hell is he even able to move after this?

Joey – Kane is more than human Mick. He’s something else entirely.

Mick – Not even fire can keep the Devil’s Favourite Demon down for long.

Score – 76

Kane – 82
Christian – 85

Backstage at the Liberty Bowl we’re looking at an office door when Good Ol’ JR Jim Ross, the Deputy GM of Smackdown, steps out. He’s on the phone.

JR – He screwed around for a while but we finally got something down on paper. Yeah, it’s all agreed. I got almost everyone I… hang on.

It’s AmericA, The US Champion Dolph Ziggler and his big mate Jack Swagger.

Dolph – What’s up “boss”?

JR hangs up the phone.

JR – Dolph, I told you and I told you Jack, that your services aren’t needed tonight.

Dolph – And I told YOU that was unacceptable! I’m the United States Champion, unless you forgot! I’m the only title holder not defending in a match tonight! Raw superstars have

Champions Privilege. Maybe I’ll go talk to Paul Heyman…

Paul – I’ve got five minutes. What do you want to talk about?

It’s Paul Heyman! The GM of Raw! He emerges from the same office as JR did. Dolph is flabbergasted.

Dolph – What… why are…

Paul – I see. Cat got your tongue has it? Well allow me to explain…

JR – Paul, if you don’t mind, I’d prefer to. As they’re  currently Smackdown superstars.

Swagger – Currently?

JR – That’s right. You see Paul and I have been locked in negotiations for the past two weeks and tonight we came to terms… on the Draft.

Dolph – DRAFT?

Paul – That’s right. The first Draft of the New Era, but this time we wanted to do it in a more sportsmanlike way. No lottery, no surprise steals. We traded, like gentlemen, and all the drafts are now locked.

JR – It’s a done deal. We’ll be announcing the results starting on Raw in two weeks. You never know, I could be rid of you two finally.

Paul – You never know.

The two General Managers shake hands and walk off in opposite directions leaving Swagger and Dolph stunned in the corridor.

IC Title Ladder Match

The following contest the Traditional Intercontinental Title Wrestlemania Ladder Match!

Introducing first…

Accompanied to the ring by Jake The Snake Roberts, he is a client of The Snake Agency, From Tampa Florida and weighing in at 285lbs, Big E Langston!

From Laval Quebec Canada, weighing in at 212 lbs… Sami Zayn!

From Queens New York, weighing in at 293 lbs… Bully Ray Dudley!

The Man from Power Hour, weighing in at 247 lbs… Damien Sandow!

And from County Wicklow Ireland, weighing in at 190 lbs, making his WWE in ring debut… FINN BALOR!

Everyone obviously pops huge for the Demon King Finn Balor. His entrance is dope and the crowd eat it with a fucking shovel.

And finally, he is the Intercontinental Champion. From Lancashire England, weighing in at 246 lbs… BAD NEWS BARRETT!!

Barrett is accompanied to the ring by Universal Women’s Champion Amazing Kong and World Heavyweight Champion John Cena.

The Cenation raise their titles high and gold sparks fall down in a curtain behind them. Barrett breaks off from the group and walks casually but with purpose down to the ring.

Joey – The Cenation, obviously not including Jay Lethal who was the victim of John Cena’s ruthless membership criteria two weeks back on Raw. Speaking of which, an update on Lethal after being put through a jeep windscreen during the European Title match earlier tonight. He required dozens of stitches and has been thoroughly bandaged backstage before being taken to a local medical facility by paramedics.

In the ring, Barrett hands over the Intercontinental Title to the ref, who straps it up to the wire. All six men watch the belt rise higher and higher above the ring.

DING DING DING!

Immediately Bully Bubba is out of the ring grabbing a ladder. Barrett and Balor clash in the centre of the ring and Big E powers right through Damien Sandow. Sami leaps over the top rope and takes out Bubba and his ladder with a painful sounding clatter.

Joey – This match has been going on for all of ten seconds and it’s already complete chaos!

Balor dropkicks Barrett over the ropes and finds himself the only man standing in the ring with Big E Langston. The Big Lad roars like a lion and charges Balor, who narrowly avoids being mowed down.

Sami and Finn team in to take out Big E with a ladder clothesline, then the crowd are treated to some dream match action with Zayn and Balor going at it in the middle of the ring, until the fun is interrupted by Bubba Ray. He drops Finn with a Brother Bomb, but gets a Helluva kick for his efforts. Sami sets up the ladder and is at the top before you know it, but soon there to meet him Damien Sandow!

Sandow and Sami trade hands, Damien gets him in a headlock and hits a devastating straight jacket DDT off the ladder to the mat below!

Balor and Bubba continue their fight on the outside, with Bubba taking the opportunity to introduce a table to the mix. He gets Finn on his shoulders, but the Demon King quick escapes the powerbomb attempt, lands on his feet and kicks Bubba’s knees out from under him.

Barrett swoops into the ring to pick the bones, and climbs the ladder without a care in the world. He’s at the very top, unhooking his belt, when Big E storms the ring like a steam train and barrels the ladder two feet across the mat. Barrett goes flying, off the ladder, out of the ring, and straight through the table.

Joey – Oh My God!

Big E sets the ladder back up, but Sandow is in the ring with his own taller ladder. He sets it up next to Big E and both men climb. Big E stops at the top of his ladder, with Sandow a good two feet higher than him. Sandow points at his temple to show how smart he is, and kicks Big E in the face. Damien reaches for the belt, but Big E isn’t dazed. He isn’t fazed. He’s pissed off. Pulls Sandow’s legs out and Damien falls chin first into the top rung of his ladder. His face bounces off and he falls to the mat like a wet roll of carpet.

Meanwhile Sami has another table set up over the top of Barrett. He and Bubba throw fists, both showing nails tough aggression. Someone’s going to lose a tooth before this one’s over. Bubba shoves Sami away, Zayn takes the run up and hits another HELLUVA KICK on Bully Bubba Ray! The former Dudley Boy falls back on top of the table

In the ring Balor runs up Sandow’s ladder and takes Big E out with a slingblade, landing on his feet and jumping to the top rope. Barrett just manages to get out from under as Balor hits a Coup De Grace out of the ring and straight through Bubba Ray, driving him through the table.

Balor is still on his feet, but Barrett scoops him up and hits a WASTELAND onto the broken pile of wood and Bubba Ray. Sami rushes past him, into the ring, up the ladder unopposed. He’s there!

Sami’s fingers touch the title but suddenly he’s pitching forward. Big E lifts the ladder from the bottom rung and tips Sami full body down to the floor. He crashes like a bin bag full of horse bones and the crowd nearby look away in horror.

Sami is dead. Sandow is dead. Bubba is dead.

Balor is stirring. Barrett is in the ring with Big E, knocking lumps out of each other. Jake The Snake appears and slides into the ring, pulling away the smaller ladder and setting up the big one again.

He picks up the small one to attack Barrett, but Bad News kicks it as hard as he can into The Snake’s face. Jake rolls out of the ring onto the floor, and Barrett turns into a planting exploder suplex right into the turnbuckle.

Big E roars into the crowd and climbs the ladder set up by his manager. Balor is back, up the ladder quick as you like and now it’s looking like a two-man race! Both reach for the belt, but both smack each other one when they get near it.

Somehow Damien gets to his feet. Bubba pulls himself clear of the wreckage. Sami drags himself into the ring. Things then start to happen very quickly.

Bubba goes Sami, Sami ducks, takes out Damien with a flying clothesline, gets hit with a running bulldog by Bubba, who is dropped with a Bullhammer from Barrett, who makes for the ladder before a bloodied Jake appears in the ring and throws a fucking boa constrictor at him!

Barrett is shocked, falls to the mat as the mighty DAMIAN THE SNAKE wraps around one of his arms.

Everyone is down. Balor and Big E still fighting for supremacy at the top of the ladder. Jake pulls Balor down by the legs, grabs him in a headlock and hits the most expert DDT anyone has seen for about 20 years. He’s still got some life in him! The WWE Hall of Famer yells support as his client, Big E Langston, reaches up and unhooks the belt.

DING DING DING!

Here is your winner, and the NEW INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION… BIG E LANGSTON!!

Barrett can only watch in horror, pinned by a giant snake, as Big E’s hand is raised by both the referee and Jake The Snake Roberts.

Joey – Barrett managed to overcome every single obstacle John Cena put in his path, but he could not overcome the psychology and manipulations of The Snake Agency.

Regal – Don’t forget the raw power of Big E Langston.

Mick – Also don’t forget there’s a live snake on top of him.

Joey – That’s true also.

Score – 82

Bad News – 84
Big E – 87

Balor – 56

Sandow – 81
Bully Ray – 75

Sami Zayn – 93

Cole introduces our next bout. It needs no real hype. Bray Wyatt takes on Antonio Cesaro for the WWE Championship. Next.

A video plays showing Antonio Cesaro battle through everything from Kings, to Apex Predators, to Bullet Club members, to Prizefighters this year. He fought them all but never could quite win the big matches. Then Elimination Chamber happened..

Antonio Cesaro has outlasted everyone else. He is the new number one contender to ….”

Bray Wyatt.

The video then shows Bray Wyatt gallivanting his way through the year, ultimately seducing and cracking the mind of HHH, and winning the WWE Championship at The Royal Rumble. He then broke Dean Ambrose, and used that to help master and manipulate his own WWE Championship Elimination Chamber match. In the last few months he has well and truly earned the moniker of WWE’s resident god-like figure. Antonio may be the best in the world. But it’s going to take more than that to win the WWE Championship here tonight.

This following contest is scheduled for one fall. And it is for….. THE WWE CHAMPIONSHIP.

Graves – “I never thought, we never thought, that the day would come when Antonio Cesaro would be in one of the two main events of Wrestlemania. But it’s happening. Antonio Cesaro however has always known he would be here. And I have no doubt that he’s ready for this tonight.”

Ding ding ding

Rowan remains dormant at ringside. Antonio isn’t fussed with him. Bray Wyatt is the king of in ring psychology, so he knows he has to remain focussed on him.

We lock up and jostle back and forth. Both men sharing spells of dominance. Bray really gets the upper hand after Cesaro strung Bray up on the ropes. He went for the Swiss-1-9 but Bray tuned, caught, and hit him with the Urinagi. Antonio then comes back into things after Wyatt charged towards him. He hit a European Uppercut so hard that Bray legit looked like he could have lost a tooth. He then gets the big man onto his shoulders. Argentine Backbreaker??

BURNING HAMMER? WHAT THE JESUS?

It didn’t cause Bray to land on his neck dodgy-ly. It was a fairly safe one. Cesaro took a few seconds to really come to his own sense after hitting it so the cover wasn’t on immediately. What it has done however is awake Erick Rowan on the touchline, he showed his first glimpse of worry with that move.

Antonio retreats into the corner to compose himself. Wyatt gets to his feet. Cesaro calls for Wyatt to go for a spin, but Wyatt ducks and finds shelter in the corner Cesaro had just left. He adopts his famous spider pose, for a split second. Cesaro’s onto him. The moment Bray ducked Cesaro begain sprinting. He hits a European Uppercut and knocks Bray wobbly. He then vaults over the WWE Champion and mounts the turnbuckle.

He grabs Brays head between his legs. The guy is standing on the middle turnbuckle! He cracks his head. He’s going for a turnbuckle assisted Neutralizer!

JBL – “HOW ON EARTH CAN HE DO THAT??? It’s inhuman Cole!”

Antonio lifts Bray up. The guys a fucking freak of nature!

BAM!

ANTONIO CESARO HITS IT! The Neutralizer from the middle turnbuckle! he rolls towards the cover!

Graves – “Everything you’ve worked for is about to finally come true! Come on Antonio!”

Cole – “What the hell? Wyatt’s Apostles! at ringside??? AT WRESTLEMANIA?!

The lights went out just as Cesaro went to the cover. The referee is confused, Cesaro is confused, but he blocks out the distraction and covers

1

2

KICK OUT! The distraction has given Bray Wyatt just enough time to kick out. The Neutralizer form the turnbuckle has to have been Cesaro’s best shot.

He falls onto the ring ropes in an attempt to comprehend the new challenges that have been presented to him. Antonio Cesaro has proved tonight that he’s probably the best wrestler on the planet, but Bray Wyatt is the one other entity on this roster that presents a question no-one has been able to answer for months. How do you beat a deity? Can you beat a deity? Does it even matter how good you are when you face Bray Wyatt?

Antonio attempts to go for another Neutralizer, surely this will be enough…. He grabs Bray into position….

But then each and every Child Sheep Apostle takes a step onto the ring apron. They start swaying their heads in unison. Cesaro lets go of Bray, he walks up to a couple of the apostles. They don’t attack. They don’t flinch. They’re just there. Swaying… Antonio turns back to Bray.

And gets caught. At that point the apostles stop swaying and kiss the apostle to their left.

Sister Abigail…. Sister Abigail…. Sister Abigail…. Sister Abigail…. Sister Abigail…. Sister Abigail…. Sister Abigail…. Sister Abigail…. Sister Abigail…. Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail…. Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail…. Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail…. Sister Abigail…. Sister Abigail…. Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….Sister Abigail….

SISTER ABIGAIL.

Cover. 1…..2…….

3.

It only takes one.

Cole – “I don’t believe it”.

JBL – “Antonio came into this match at the peak of his career. He proved that he can out-wrestle, out-compete, and hang with the best. But Bray Wyatt is something else.”

Graves – “Sad thing is guys. I don’t think Antonio actually ever had a chance here tonight. Bray Wyatt can’t be beat. Look at him. He is literally a god.”

We’re well and truly in the Age of Wyatt. He remains WWE Champion.

Score – 82

Wyatt – 96
Cesaro – 95

THE UNDERTAKER v STING

This is a once in a lifetime spectacle. We have never seen these two wrestling legends in the ring before, and we never will again, because after tonight either Sting or The Undertaker will be forced to RETIRE.

Career v Career, Icon v Phenom.

The Undertaker, having aligned with his brother Kane, set his sights on Sting. Claiming they were too similar to co-exist, Taker vowed to remove Sting from the equation before he sets about helping Kane cure the WWE. Sting refused to back down, and accepted The Undertaker’s challenge to put his very livelihood on the line here tonight. The former United States Champion says it will be The

Deadman taking his Last Ride at Wrestlemania 33, and that The Icon will live on.

CRAW!

The lights shut off and the arena is black.

They come back up and standing in the ring, is Sting!

GONG

Lights out.

Lights up.

THE UNDERTAKER!

Sting and Taker face each other in the ring for the first time ever. Both remove their coats. Undertaker removes his hat, Sting hands over the black baseball bat. This is going to be a clean fight.

Joey – This is absolutely incredible!

Graves – This is a once in a lifetime experience, and the 55,545 in attendance here tonight know it.

Regal – One of these men is about to have their last ever match.

Ding Ding Ding

The two veterans circle one another, then seem to come to some silent agreement before locking up in the middle of the ring. They’re getting this started the old fashioned way.

The Deadman’s size advantage gets the better of The Icon, and the match absolutely goes The Undertaker’s way. For a while. Of course, the tide soon turned, as we all knew it would, and suddenly it was Taker on the receiving end of a some old school wrestling moves from Sting. The Undertaker may be pound for pound the best striker in the WWE, but Sting has been wrestling longer and even at this veteran stage in their careers, there are still some things to learn.

 

The match becomes a trade-off of near falls, and each time one of these legends is pinned the crowd stay silent. No one counts along, because no one wants to hear the the number three that will signal the final bell on either Undertaker or Sting.

 

This match is just an old school fight, performed by two of the best that WWE has ever seen, fighting for their lives.

Undertaker dove over the top rope and landed onto his opponent. Sting eventually recovered and drove ‘Taker into the mat with a harsh as fuck DDT on the outside.

 

Sting set up Taker onto the German announce table, but The Deadman countered with a spine-buster, driving Sting through das table and leaving both men in a wreck of wires, monitors and bottles of water.

This match cannot end outside the ring though, and the ref starts to count…

1…

2…

The Undertaker is up.

3…

4…

He picks up Sting.

5…

6…

Sting drops to his feet and stare at Taker. Looks like he wants to carry on under his own power.

The two men climb back into the ring and beat the ten count, but both look beaten and exhausted. Taker grabbed Sting by the throat, but Sting countered with surprising quickness based entirely on adrenaline and got the Undertaker with the Scorpion Death Drop.

BAM!

1…

2…

 

The Undertaker kicks out, not with any authority or much energy, but he kicked out nonetheless.

Then he was up. Sting was up, spun around, dropped. TOMBSTONE! TOMESTONE PILEDRIVER!

The arena falls silent. They all know it’s over. Sting’s career is over.

1…

2…

And then it wasn’t. The Icon kicks out at two and stubbornly refused to die.

 

The Undertaker and the rest of the world stare in amazement.

Sting gets painfully to his feet. He hits the ropes, runs as hard as his body will let him and gets caught out of nowhere in the Hell’s Gate.

 

As Sting struggles to escape the deadly hold, his hand reaching for the ropes, the crowd are on their feet. He’s there. His fingers are almost… touching…

And he taps.

Sting taps to the Hell’s Gate and The Undertaker claims another soul at Wrestlemania. His career is over. Sting is finished.

The Undertaker helps his opponent up and offers a hand, but Sting doesn’t shake it. Because Sting is dead. He wipes the make-up off his face with his forearm and Steve Borden puts his hand out and shakes.

The crowd chant THANK YOU STING! and The Icon raises The Undertaker’s hand.

In an exceptional match, The Undertaker defeated Sting in a Career v Career match.

Score – 80

Taker – 92
Sting – 91

World Heavyweight Title

Joey Styles – Ladies and Gentlemen we promised you a great Main Event here tonight, Wrestlemania! It’s the clash of two former friends that’s been brewing since as far back as Survivor Series. Let’s take a look at how John Cena and Daniel Bryan went from partners to enemies on the Road to Wrestlemania.

We see a video of the highlights of this feud. It is incredibly well done, obviously, and show Cena “accidentally” battering Daniel with a chair and “accidentally” clotheslining him in the crowd. Fast forward to Royal Rumble 30, and John Cena’s epic clash with Christian to win the World Heavyweight Title! Daniel Bryan rushes the ring to celebrate with Cena and raise his hand in victory. Later that same night, Daniel Bryan eliminates Cesaro to win the Royal Rumble. John Cena is there, but rather than raise his friends hand he hits Daniel with a Code Red. The crowd is all shocked. That one black guy with the massive eyes is there, and he cannot believe it. Cena takes over The Gilded the next night on Raw, explaining that he was just sick of people booing him and cheering the flavour of the month Daniel Bryan. During his title rematch with Christian at Lock Down Daniel Bryan is made Special Guest Referee and hits a fast count to end the match quick.

The video ends on a shot from last week’s go home Raw, with the two glaring at each other from ring to ramp.

Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes!

The crowd come alive, despite having been there for 36 hours, and raise their hands to greet and welcome Daniel Bryan! Possibly the most over man in the WWE.

JoJo – Introducing first, the challenger… from SOMEWHERE and weighing in at SOMETHING… he is the winner of the 30th Royal Rumble… Daniel BRRRYYYAAAANNN!!!

Daniel drinks it all in, doing the arms and getting up on the turnbuckle. He’s pumped as fuck and using the crowd’s energy to get psyched up.

BOOO!!!

The Champ is here. On the ramp he whips out a black towel that just says NO in the middle of it, which rather than throw into the crowd he crumples it up and dashes it on the floor.

JoJo – And the World Heavyweight Champion, from West Newbury Massachusetts, weighing in at SOMETHING… he is the Face that Runs the Place… JEEEEEOOOONNN CEEEENAAAAAAAAAA!

BOOOOOOOOOO!

The smarks boo. The IWC boo. The kids boo. The women pretending to like wrestling to make their boyfriend happy boo. Everyone boos because Cena is a jeb end.

He really doesn’t seem like he gives a fuck anymore. Walking slowly down the ramp, Cena pulls the WHW title off his waist and holds in the air. He doesn’t need applause. He doesn’t need chants or cheering. He’s got the title, and the rest of you can fuck off.

The following match is scheduled for ONE FALL! And is for the World Heavyweight Championship!

The ref relieves Cena of the belt and calls for the bell.

The two rivals circle each other, staring daggers.

YOU CAN’T SEE ME.

More booing.

YES YES YES!

The crowd go fucking nuts for it.

Bryan smirks at Cena, and Cena punches him in the face.

The match is extremely physical. Cena dominates physically, but the agility and speed of Bryan are an equal match. Cena goes for a Spinebuster, but Bryan sunset flips over him. Cena rolls out of a pin attempt and goes for a clothesline, but Bryan ducks it, hits the ropes jumps for the high knee. Cena catches him in the midair, but Daniel escapes with a drop kick. At one point Cena almost puts Daniel away with a Randy Orton style raised DDT, and soon after Bryan counters a hanging suplex with knees to the head and a Tornado DDT of his own.

Neither man will be beaten so easily. Cena is showing his legit chops in the ring, staying toe to toe with the pure wrestling of Daniel Bryan.

Cena attempts a spinebuster comeback, and this time is lands. He runs over Daniel, hits the ropes, comes back and stops. Pulls off his armband, flips off the crowd, puts it back on and stamps on Daniels chest. No crowd pleasers from the champion tonight.

1.

 

2.

 

IT’S A KICK OUT.

Bryan is still alive, but obviously hurt. He cradles his ribs and gets back onto his knees. Cena staring him down. Bryan is struggling to breath.

Cena does the You Can’t See Me, then uses the same hand to pie face Daniel.

Joey – Huge show of disrespect from the champion!

Mick – Cena’s shown nothing but disrespect to Daniel Bryan for months now.

Regal – And that disrespect is spilling over into the WWE Universe.

Daniel is up. Daniel is angry. Cena smirks at him. Which was probably a mistake. Cena considers this as Daniel’s foot connects with his knee, dropping him down. He might have thought some more about it if there was time, but Daniel kicks his abdomen, his ribs, his face. BANG BANG BANG! Cena can’t even get his hands up in time.

Joey – Shades of CWC from Daniel Bryan here King.

Regal – Bryan spent a huge chunk of his career in Japan Joey. He knows everything there is about strong style, he just keeps it in check most of the time.

Daniel isn’t keeping it in check tonight. He kicks the breath out of Cena’s mouth and kicks it back in again immediately after. The roll over, YES LOCK!

It’s in! The Labelle Lock, and Cena is fucked! He’s got no breath left, no strength in his core. Those kicks have really taken it out of Cena, but he’s a tough bastard and he doesn’t just tap. After a moment the wrenching becomes too much for Daniel’s knackered ribs and he has to release the hold.

Joey – Looks like that stomp hurt Daniel more than he let on.

Both men lie in the middle of the ring, physically depleted.

The ref starts to count.

1…

2…

3…

4…

Cena starts to stir.

5…

6…

Daniel is moving.

7…

8…

Both men are up! They lock eyes. Something in the air says, This Is It.

They trade punches back and forth.

YEAH! BOO! YEAH! BOO! YEAH! BOO! YEAH! YEAH! YES! YES! YES! YES!

Daniel gets the better of a knackered Cena. Off the ropes. RUNNING KNEE!

Cena is down in the middle of the ring. Daniel stands over him, listens to the crowd roaring their heads off, and runs over Cena, off the ropes, stops dead. He pulls off his arm band and hurls it into the crowd.

YES! YES! YES!

BOOM!

Five Knuckle Shuffle!

1… 2… 2 ¾

Oooooh!

Daniel Bryan almost had this! Out of frustration he grabs Cena into the Yes Lock again! Both men are screaming from their injuries. Cena gets a hand down, pushes himself up off the mat and with the last of his power he lifts himself and Daniel up.

CODE RED!

CODE RED!

1… 2…

THREE!!

Here is your winner and STILL the World Heavyweight Champion… JOHN CENA!!!

The crowd are fucking livid. The boos are deafening in the area.

BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!

NO! NO! NO! NO!

Daniel is mortified, holding his ribs.
In an UNBELIEVABLE MATCH, John Cena defeated Daniel Bryan for the World Heavyweight Title.

Score – 85

Cena – 96
Bryan – 100!

 

Joey – These two really tore strips of each other. Neither man can get to their feet, but definitely on their feet are the fans in attendance here, showing their displeasure at John Cena, still the Champion on Raw.

Mick – I can’t believe it Styles. It really looked like Daniel had the title in his grasp, but those ribs let him down at the worst possible time.

Cena gets to the top of the ramp with difficult, holding the title up as best he can as he’s almost knocked over by jeering from the capacity crowd.

In the ring, Daniel shakes his head and manages to get to his feet. The booing turns to cheers for Daniel, who acknowledges their support but the look of disappointment on his face is obvious.

Joey – Well that’s gonna do it for us here at Wrestlemania 33. It has been an amazing night, and we thank you for joining us on behalf of both Raw and Smackdown. Good night!

 

WRESTLEMANIA SCORE – 84

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