In a pre-show bout that had sub-par wrestling and little heat, Jay Briscoe defeated Zack Ryder in 10:26 by pinfall with a Jay Driller.
“BOOM! BOOM! BOOM-BA-BOOM! BOOM!” The show starts with an impressive opening of pyro, before the lights are raised and several sections of the excited crowd are shown waving various signs. The focus then switches to the announce table where Joey Styles, Mick Foley and William Regal introduce the show.
Joey – WELCOME TO MONDAY NIGHT RAW! Wrestlemania is in the books for another year and the red brand goes on.
Mick – I’m hoping that General Manager Paul Heyman has something to say about the ECW Title Joey. It’s a championship dear to both our hearts, and as far as I know it’s currently
Vacant because Goldust abandoned it last night moments after winning it from Edge.
Joey – There’s a lot to sort out here tonight, but I’m being told to make sure everyone stays tuned in for John Cena’s Wrestlemania Victory Party.
Mick – That’ll put butts in seats.
The General Manager of Raw, Paul Heyman, arrives on the stage.
Paul – Ladies and Gentlemen of the Raw Universe. My name is Paul Heyman and I am the General Manager of Monday Night Raw. As you will know from last night, myself and Smackdown GM Jim Ross came to terms on the Superstar Draft, which will take place beginning next week here on Raw.
Superstars from Raw, Smackdown and CWC were eligible to be drafted, and all the trades are now signed and confirmed by our owner and Chairman, Vince McMahon. They’ll be revealed in good time next week, but that’s then. This is now, and this is the Raw after Wrestlemania and there’s a significant tradition surrounding tonight. This is supposed to be the biggest Raw of the year, and I’d like to honour that.
At Wrestlemania 33, every champion on Monday Night’s from John Cena to Edge to Rusev put their titles on the line and each match was exactly as I had hoped. A spectacle. A masterpiece. A lasting memory for all those in attendance of the greatest wrestling in the world. Tonight I would be remiss in telling the golden gods of my roster who to face tonight. But face someone they shall, because I am declaring The Raw after Wrestlemania to be CHALLENGE NIGHT!
Every Champion will have a match tonight. Not for the titles, as I say they have all earned another day with those belts at least, but they’ll face surprise opponents. Open challenges.
Whoever in the back gets through this curtain first and wants to make a name for themselves. Next week the landscape of both Raw and Smackdown will change, and whosoever wants to stand tall when the waters have calmed will take the opportunity tonight to step forward, step up, and throw their hats in the ring going forward into a new era for Monday Night.
Now… as for the ECW Championship. Last night, Goldust defeated Edge in an absolutely carnage factory of a House of Fun match, but since he’s mental he left the title in the middle
of the ring and disappeared. I haven’t been able to contact him and no one has seen a trace of him. In these instances, where the Champion voluntarily abandons their championship, it’s policy to declare that title Vacant. Which I have done.
However, the ECW Title is very important to me and I won’t have it gathering dust, Gold or otherwise, so as it’s Challenge Night we’re going to use the opportunity to crown a NEW ECW CHAMPION! And to do that, we’re going to have a Championship Scramble!
Ten men will compete, the one metaphorically holding the belt when the bell is rung is the new ECW Champion.
But that’s later. Your first Challenge Night Champion is the Universal Women’s Title Holder… the Undefeated… the Awesome… The Amazing Kong!
Joey – Woah woah woah… we are getting off to a big start here on Challenge Night. Amazing Kong faced her toughest opponent so far last night in the Empress, Asuka, but she overcome and retained that Universal Women’s Title that she’s made her own this past year.
Mick – Who the hell on the Raw Women’s Roster is going to voluntarily come out here and face Kong?
No one on the Raw Women’s Roster, in fact.
Joey – Oh My! That’s the NXT Women’s Champion, Ashley Flair!
Mick – Daughter of the great Ric Flair.
William – It’s Champion v Champion boys. Kong’s faced a fair few former Women’s Champions before now, but never a currently reigning one.
In a decent match, that saw Ashley get in a solid amount of offense on Kong, the NXT Women’s Champion was narrowly defeated by Amazing Kong with an Amazing Bomb.
Joey – Is it just me, or did that seem more difficult for Kong that you’d expect?
Regal – Well she’s coming off the back of a huge match with Asuka. Plus Flair’s no slouch.
Joey – Fair point. Well now it’s the moment we’ve all been told we have to wait for. The Wrestlemania Victory Party of our World Heavyweight Champion… John Cena!
Here’s John Cena’s mint heel music again, as a refresher…
Cena – The Champ… is… ME!
Cena – Boo all you want. Boo yourselves sick. That’s the problem with you all. You booed me when I was good, you booed me when I was granting wishes and shaking hands, and you booed me when I won titles. You booed me so often for everything, I figured out it didn’t matter what I did. I could be a nice guy, be the Hustle Loyalty Respect John Cena, and you’d boo. I could do everything to make you happy, and you’d boo. So if you’re gonna boo anyway, I figure why not make MYSELF happy!
And I am happy.
Cena – I’m happy because last night I took down your IWC favourite, The American Dragon, your boy Daniel Bryan, and I did it without interference and or foreign objects or the support of you, the WWE Universe! And I did it without those things because I don’t need any of them. I win matches. I win titles. That’s my job and I’ve been at the top of the game for 15 damn years and I plan on staying on top.
Royal Rumble 30 was just the beginning of another Cena Era in the WWE. It doesn’t matter who come out to face me later for Challenge Night. Makes no difference who wins Money in the Bank in a few months. They can send out absolutely anyone they want and I’ll give them the Code Red and put them in my rear views just like Christian, just like Daniel Bryan. So consider this all the Wrestlemania Victory Party you people are gonna get. I’m the winner here, and I choose to celebrate elsewhere. So screw you all!
And with that, Cena walks off up the ramp slapping his Big Gold Belt and ignoring completely all the jeering and chants for the audience. (100!)
Backstage, Bully Bubba Ray finds Paul Heyman.
Bully – Hey, Paulie! You need to put me in the ECW Scramble.
Paul – Do I? Because I put you in the IC Title ladder match and you’re not holding the IC title right now.
Bully – Cute. You listen to me you disgusting tub, I betrayed my oldest friend and defeated Chris Jericho to get my shot at the IC Title, and I will not let that personal sacrifice be for nothing! Put me. In the. Match!
Paul – Settle down Bubba. As it happens you were top of my list for the scramble, so there’s no need to get your cargo shorts in a twist. You’ll see the other guys out there. And you’re right… you did betray your friend so you could make it as a singles star. And as another of your friends you seem willing to cast aside for that goal, I’m letting you know that this is the last chance I’m going to give you. So make it count.
When we return, we find Christian in the locker room pouring water over his head. His skin is pink and raw looking and there’s more than a few scalded burn marks on his body.
Edge comes in pulling a t-shirt down over a body covered in plasters.
Christian – Kane.
Edge – Goldust.
Christian – Yeah. Tough night.
Edge – When did our lives get this weird birdman? Remember when we broke in?
Christian – We were vampires.
Edge – After that. After the… after we were vampires. Things were so much simpler right? I think we’ve both let ourselves get a little out of hand here.
Christian – I can’t argue with that. What’s your point?
Edge – Well I lost my ECW title. You lose your World Heavyweight title. It’s the Raw after Mania. Maybe this is time for a fresh start? I mean… it’s Challenge night.
Christian – Yeah. Who do you want to challenge?
Edge – I got some ideas. (97)
At the desk, Joey Styles pushes the Network and all the mint things on it, including episodes of Raw just as many weeks after it airs for you to not remember it anymore or care to watch it even slightly. He also puts over that next Monday it’s The Draft, the first superstar shakeup since the original Kernowverse Draft just before Money in the Bank last year.
John Cena is sitting in comfy chair with his CENA cap on and his title resting nearby, gulping on a sports drank made from mangoes (Eat Mangoes) when Bad News Barrett comes in. He looks a bit sheepish, but definitely like he’s got something to say. Cena sits forward. He’s been expecting this.
Bad News – Look John…
Cena – Don’t say another word Wade. Last night you lost your Intercontinental Title to Big E Langston in a Ladder Match YOU devised. You got five of the toughest Raw wrestlers all wanting your title, then you stuck them on some ladders for good measure. And you lost.
Don’t sweat it man.
Barrett looks very surprised.
Cena – Thought I was gonna jump up and start kicking your ass right? Well… you got me wrong partner. Yeah, when Edge lost his title I had his ass beat but that’s because I can’t stand the shovel-chinned prick. And when Lethal lost his title I had you beat his ass because I was sick of him ducking challengers and taking the easy way out.
The Cenation was bullshit Wade. I never wanted to be the leader of some champions stable, but since Christian already built one and used it to screw with me I knew I had to break it down from the inside. The other members got cut because they lost their titles, but you and Amazing Kong kept on fighting for yours. You wrestled every week against the best Raw has to offer, and sure you came up short at Mania but you did it in a difficult match. Also, you know… you don’t become 16 time World Champion without losing the belt 15 times.
Barrett – Fair point, yeah. So The Cenation? It’s dead is it?
Cena – Yeah, it’s done. I’ve talked to Kong already and she obviously don’t need any support. Don’t sweat it though man. You can get your IC title back… but you know what… don’t.
Barrett – Don’t?
Cena – Nah man. Move onwards and upwards. You held that title for damn near a full year, and maybe you’ll hold it again sometime, but for now you gotta look forward not back. Stick with me, pay attention, and I can see some top tier matches in your future. You can be someone in this industry Wade, if you follow my lead. Get under my wing man.
Barrett nods, taking in the offer of being mentored by the World Heavyweight Champion.
Barrett – Alright mate, deal.
Cena – Yeah, probably wise. Take the night off kid. I’ll see you next week for the Draft, because who ever comes over here looking for this big gold belt are gonna find themselves meeting the bouncer first!
The Universal Tag Team Champions reDRagon are in the ring with microphones. They claim that they are so good, so very good and also handsome, that they cannot be defeated by anyone. They beat GoD with a dusty finish at Mania, but the Samoan brothers had that coming for getting shit all dusty when they arrived. They’re looking forward to taking on Big Day when Show gets back on his massive feet, but until then… it’s Challenge Night! So let’s make with the challengers!
What are we talking here? Briscoes? Free Ryder? Ascension? Some other jump over tag team from Japan copying reDragon’s idea of getting signed by WWE? Who’s it gonna be?
Joey – Business just picked up!
It’s Edge and Christian!
reDragon are shocked, but then they look very very happy. Kyle O’Reilly does a Five Second Pose and Bobby Fish starts miming a kazoo. Edge and Christian brush them off and make the old Belt Around the Waist motion.
Mick – It’s the other two thirds of ChrEdgLey! Christian and Edge are getting back into the Tag Division!
Regal – This is massive! They ruled the Tag landscape for years here in WWE. reDragon wants to watch themselves if they’re serious about those Universal Tag Titles.
In a bout that had superb wrestling and a decent reaction from the crowd, Edge & Christian defeated reDRagon in 13:21 when Christian defeated Bobby Fish by pinfall with a Killswitch.
Edge & Christian – 100
reDragon – 82
After the match, E&C look like they might pose for the crowd, but then sack it off and do the heel walk to the back, ignoring the fans. reDragon look shell-shocked like they have no idea what to think about their night. Are they made up because they worked Edge and Christian, or should they be pissed off that they lost?
And now, ladies and gentlemen…
Jericho – Last night Shelton Benjamin beat me at Wrestlemania, OK good that’s done with. We don’t need to talk about it anymore. He’s very good, we all know that. My guest tonight, on the Highlight Reel, is a HUGE ONE! A former World Champion, he like the rest of us could easily be traded next week to Smackdown. This could be the last chance to see my guest, or ME, on Monday Night Raw!
Taking that into consideration, pop huge for my guest… DANIEL BRYAN!
Daniel comes down to a thunderous applause. Many of this crowd were at Mania last night and they saw the truly incredible match Daniel had with John Cena. They’re chanting THANK YOU BRYAN!
Jericho – Daniel, welcome to the Highlight Reel. That’s quite a reaction for you there man. You came out here and you put in maximum effort and the people responded. Just think how much they’d be cheering if you’d actually won the match!
Bryan – I heard the reaction you got too Chris, and I have to imagine it would be about the same if you’d actually won your match.
Jericho tenses his jaw, but remains professional.
Jericho – So it’s Challenge Night Daniel! Any plans to challenge John AGAIN in the main event? Let’s see that match from last night AGAIN shall we? That’d be good. Charge these people $150 a ticket for Mania cheap seats then give them the exact same thing a day later for a third of the price. Is that how you treat your fans Daniel? Make them pay out of pocket twice just to see you lose every day?
Daniel – Challenge Night. It’s a great concept, but for one thing. Why should only current Champions be allowed to accept challenges? You were the first Undisputed Champion in the WWE history right?
Jericho – You know I was.
Daniel – That means you were a DOUBLE champion right?
Jericho – I had to carry both belts in my luggage. Brock Lesnar didn’t do that!
Daniel – So as a Double Champion, you should get to issue an open challenge to right?
Jericho – You’re damn right I should! I’m Chris Jericho! I’m the greatest Intercontinental Champion in history and if I want to issue an open challenge I’ll issue an open challenge damnit!
Daniel – Great. I accept.
Jericho – What?
DING DING DING!
Chris Jericho v Daniel Bryan!
In an exceptional match, Daniel Bryan defeated Chris Jericho in 13:01 by pinfall with a Busaiku Knee Kick.
YES YES YES YES YES YES!
Back in the ring, the head of The Snake Agency; Jake “The Snake” Roberts, introduces his client… The new Intercontinental Champion… BIG E LANGSTON!
Jake – My client, the Intercontinental Champion Big E Langston, embraces Challenge Night because he is a lion. The Lion never shies from the fight, never shirks the hunt. The Lion protects his pride, which is always on the line. Tonight the Intercontinental Title, however, is NOT on the line. Never the less… we welcome whichever challenger would be foolish enough to step into the ring with the lion. Roll up, roll up.
OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!
Sami is fired up and ready to vent some Wrestlemania frustration here tonight!
In a superb match, Big E defeated Sami Zayn in 12:14 by pinfall after Jake Roberts unfurled Damien into the ring and, trying to avoid stepping on and harming the animal, Sami stumbled right into the Big Ending.
Jake calmly collected Damien and fed him back into his bag, laughing.
Jake – Oh Sami, don’t worry about Damien. He’s been in this business longer than you have son. He’s taken a couple of bumps.
In his office, Paul Heyman is enjoying a dish of mangoes when Jericho bursts in.
Paul – Hello Chris. Thanks for knocking. Take a seat. Would you care for some mangoes?
Jericho smacks the bowl out of Paul’s hand and the mangoes splat against the wall of the office.
Jericho – Enough! Enough mangoes! They’re not even good fruit. The Papaya is WAY better!
Paul – Papaya has its merits. Is that all I can do for you?
Jericho – No! Shut Up Heyman you IDIOT! Daniel Bryan thinks he can make a fool out of me on my own show! Tricking me into offering an open challenge, talking about my past championships! I know he was making fun of me Paul, and I don’t like it! I’ve been back in the WWE for MONTHS and you haven’t put me in a SINGLE title match with anyone! I’m CHRIS
JERICHO! I DEMAND you put me in the ECW Championship Scramble tonight!
Paul – Chris, you JUST had a match with Daniel Bryan. I can’t book you twice in one night for that kind of punishment. Plus the match is already full. I’ve got everyone I need.
Jericho – Oh yeah? Like who? Adam Rose? Is that who you want to be your ECW Champion Paul? Adam Rose and his DAMNED Rabbit pal?
Paul – Adam Rose isn’t in the match Chris. I’ve got Bully Bubba Ray, as you know.
Jericho – He’s an idiot.
Paul – Finn Balor.
Jericho – That graffiti’d Irishman? He’s been in WWE all of ten minutes, and all he’s had is title matches!
Paul – Damien Sandow…
Jericho – SANDOW?!
Jericho scoops up some mangoes off the desk back into the bowl, hands them to Paul, then smacks them out of his hands again.
Jericho – DAMIEN SANDOW? The Man from the Power Hour? You’re giving that clown an ECW Title Match over me? You’re gonna pay for this Paul! You just better watch it!
Paul – Watch what?
Jericho – …………………………………………………………………………….. it!
Jericho storms out, slipping very slightly on a bit of mango as he goes.
JoJo – Ladies and Gentlemen! The following match is the ECW TITLE CHAMPIONSHIP SCRAMBLE!
First out is the added Seventh Man, Bully Bubba Ray Dudley.
Followed by The Man from Power Hour, Damien Sandow!
Joey – It’s gonna be Bubba v Sandow to start off this match. And to be clear, this match will go 20 minutes and there can be multiple falls. It’s whomever is holding the current fall when the bell rings at 20 minutes that will be crowned the new ECW Champion.
Bully Ray kicks off strong, shoving a knee into Sandow’s guts and hoofing him into the turnbuckle. Sandow rolls out of the ring to get away from Bubba, who cusses him out and calls him a pussy.
The ref counts Sandow out for the first fall of this match, and the Bully Bubba Ray is the ECW Champion!
He dares anyone to try and take the belt away from him! Sandow slides into the ring, kicks Bubba in the plums and hits the Terminus!
1… 2… KICK OUT!
Joey – Sandow is gonna have to do more than kick Bubba in the nuts.
Mick – He’s been kicked in the nuts a lot. I bet he doesn’t even feel it anymore.
Regal – He wants to see his GP then.
Sandow and Bubba fight it out in the ring until it’s time for the next participant…
The Good Brother, Jey Fatu!
He comes in strong with a missile dropkick to Bubba, a savat kick to Sandow. Jey is standing tall in the ring. He looks at Bubba. He looks at Sandow. He pins Sandow.
1… 2… 3!
Joey – Jey Fatu is the ECW Champion!
Mick – For now he is.
He can barely believe it, and neither can Bubba Ray, who gets up and fucking batters Jey with forearm smash after forearm smash. He ties Jey up in the ropes and chops the fuck out of him.
Meanwhile, we’re about ready for the next participant.
Still no word yet on the status of Jay Lethal, or why Creed chose to help him last night at Mania, but nevertheless Consequences Creed is here and he wants that ECW Title!
He’s not having it from Bubba though, because the former Dudley Boy greets him in the ring and snatches him up with a Bubba Bomb!
1… 2… 3!
Joey – Bubba holds the current fall!
Creed rolls out of the ring and Bubba gets back into it with Sandow, who charges but gets ducked and runs into a shotgun dropkick from Jey Fatu. Bubba turns and eats a boot from The
Good Brother, but the veteran sense of both Sandow and Bully Ray serves them well and they roll out of the ring to avoid being pinned. Jey is on his own, no one to fight, until the next participant enters.
The crowd go nuts for Balor, who is somehow only pulling a 50 in his matches despite being FINN fucking BALOR. He locks up with Fatu and they trade reversals and some high impact moves, giving Creed enough time to get back in the ring. He soon wishes he didn’t, because Fatu kicks his legs out from under him and Balor shin-kicks him in the fucking chops.
Fatu and Finn look at each other. They look at Creed laying out on the mat. They go for the pin.
1… 2… 3!
Joey – Wait… who won that fall?
Regal – Balor I think.
Mick – Looked like Jey Fatu to me.
While they argue in the ring, Sandow and Bubba are knocking chunks off each other on the outside, and we’re about ready for our final participant.
The Submission Machine is here and he is fucking pissed off! He gets right in the ring and drops Fatu with a clothesline, kicks Finn over the ropes and hits a senton on the fallen Consequences Creed.
BUBBA pulls Creed out of the ring to break up the pin.
Joey – Why would Bubba save Creed?
Bubba pulls the cover off the announcer’s desk and power bombs Creed through it.
Joey – Oh OK.
Back in the ring, Sandow battles Balor, Joe battles Jey, and they meet in the middle for a massive brawl. Bubba joins them and we get a full compliment of finishers.
Jey hits the Rikishi Driver on Sandow, but gets a Muscles Buster from Joe, who eats a running knee from Finn who climbs the top rope and stamps the Coup de Grace on Joe’s ribs.
Balor lands and gets caught in the Bubba Bomb, and Bubba stands tall. Until Sandow gets his shit together and hits another Terminus!
1… 2… 3!
Sandow has the fall! Until he doesn’t, because Joe is on his feet. He snatches Sandow in the Coquina Clutch and Damien is forced to tap.
Samoa Joe has the fall!
Balor and Joe fight to a stand-still as the crowd eat it up with a chrome shovel, and ultimately Balor wins the exchange with a knee to Joe’s jaw, knocking him loopy. Balor goes for the pin…
1… 2… 3!
Finn Balor has the fall and we have just three minutes left of this match!
The crowd are with it all the way, chanting E-C-DUB at Balor who stands alone in the ring, guarding all sides, waiting out the clock to keep the title.
Sandow dents a chair with Balor’s head.
Joey – All legal here I’m afraid. ECW Title, ECW Rules.
Mick – I was never clear on what those rules actually were.
Joey – No one was.
Balor goes down and Sandow pins.
1… 2… 3!
Sandow is the fall holder with just two minutes left!
He stands in the centre of the ring, swinging the chair at anyone who comes anywhere near him. He cracks Joe with it. He cracks Jey with it. Bubba doesn’t even get close before
being forced to retreat.
Regal – Clever lad. He’s just going to run out the time swinging some furniture.
Just one minutes left!
A countdown appears on the Titantron to show the amount of match time remaining.
60, 59, 58, 57, 56…
Sandow shoves his chair into Finn Balor’s ribs and swipes it at Jey Fatu as he tries to get into the ring.
55, 54, 53, 52, 51…
No one’s getting near him. Joe slides into the ring but Bubba grabs his leg and pulls him out. They argue at ringside as the clock ticks away.
50, 49, 48, 47, 46…
There’s now a brawl on the outside between Jey, Joe, Bubba and Balor over who will actually be allowed to get into the ring.
45, 44, 43, 42, 41…
Sandow stops wielding the chair and just starts watching the fight, tapping his wrist like a watch and smiling.
40, 39, 38, 37, 36…
Balor gets charged through the barrier by Samoa Joe, taking them both out. Jey goes for a super kick but Bubba ducks under and plants him with a Fisherman’s Suplex.
35, 34, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5…
Sandow notices the clock ticks have changes tone. The number are all wrong.
4, 3, 2, 1….
BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!
Joey – What’s Jericho doing out here! How the hell long is left in the match? He hijacked the countdown!
Regal – I’m being told there’s 20 odd seconds left!
Sandow is facing Jericho, so when Bubba gets into the ring it’s a surprise. He turns in time and swings the chair to keep Bubba away from him. Jericho hits the ring behind Sandow, and now he’s surrounded.
Regal – Ten seconds left!
Jericho yells at Bubba. He throws up 3 fingers, ducks Sandow’s chair and whips him into the ropes. Sandow drops the chair, bounces off the ropes, comes back and gets lifted into the air by Jericho and pulled back down by Bubba.
Joey – 3D! 3D! Y2J3D!
Regal – Four seconds!
Bubba pins Sandow.
1… 2… 3!
DING DING DING!
Here is your winner, and the NEW ECW CHAMPION!
BULLY BUBBA RAY!
Bubba pulls the title out of the ref’s hand and holds it up like a monster. After so many years, and two different companies, Bully Bubba Ray is finally the ECW Champion!
Jericho smirks like a twat at Sandow as he makes his exit, calling Sandow an idiot.
Joey, Mick and William Regal give us an update on the medical condition of Jay Lethal following his being put through a jeep window last night. We’re told that while Jay was able to get himself to the back after the match but collapsed soon after. He’s being held in hospital in Tennessee, and is said to be in stable condition. He’s obviously got multiple lacerations and potentially a severe concussion, so he’s being kept in for tests. We’ll have more information when we get it, but for now Jay Lethal has been placed on the inactive list.
Now we come to our final Challenge Night open challenge of the night. The World Heavyweight Champion John Cena versus… well we’ll find out.
Cena – Doesn’t matter who. Get on out here and take your whupping from the Champ! There’s not a single person on this roster who can out work, out pace or out wrestle me so let’s go! Put another W by my name.
Joey – Shelton Benjamin! The greatest pure athlete in the WWE is here, and he’s answering Cena’s challenge!
Regal – Shelton took on Chris Jericho at Mania, one of the best in the world, and he out wrestled him. John Cena might be thinking twice about what he said just now. (100)
In a bout that had unbelievable heat and superb wrestling, Shelton Benjamin shocked the world when he defeated John Cena in 16:05 by pinfall with a running Paydirt out of nowhere. Cena was getting cocky, and this just knocked him down a couple of pegs!
Overall – 90!
Shit me SON!